Today, I sat across from a cute boy in my English class. I thought it was cute when he winked at me, so I laughed and winked back. I didn't understand why he shot me a dirty look, until I later found out he has eyelid spasms. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 1:12am / United States / Love

Today, I woke up from my honeymoon to discover the love of my life is a bed wetter. FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML

by straightasaneedle / 02/02/2011 at 12:11pm / Germany (Hessen) / Love

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

by Anonymous / 02/01/2011 at 8:43am / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she met someone else on World of Warcraft. I've been paying for her subscription. FML

by Thanh Quang / 01/31/2011 at 12:58am / Love

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

by gotnogame / 01/30/2011 at 10:13pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I received a text message from my wife who had gone out for the evening with some girlfriends: "Have to take a friend home, she's drunk! I'll be staying at his place. Call you tomorrow morning." His? FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2011 at 1:21am / Love

Today, I was at a power lifting meet when a girl I really liked walked in. Trying to impress her, I increased my bench to 350, when I have only done 300 before. She then watched me drop it on my chest, breaking my breast bone, and also crying in the process. FML

by wowimdumb / 01/29/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

by peeoncarl1111 / 01/28/2011 at 8:06pm / United States / Love

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I've had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

by ashdk / 01/28/2011 at 4:12am / Love

Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML

by Azure_Mist / 01/27/2011 at 5:53pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I found out that the money my boyfriend has "secretly" been putting away for the last two months is not for an engagement ring like I'd thought, but for a trip to Vegas I'm not invited to. FML

by shouldveknown / 01/27/2011 at 3:15pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was out with my boyfriend, and I had an epileptic fit. He had never seen me have one, and it freaked him out. He rang me later to dump me, as he didn't want to go out with someone who acted like a 'spaz' in public. FML

by gmarina789 / 01/27/2011 at 6:28am / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.