Today, my husband came home from a six-month business trip. When I saw him, I hugged and kissed him. My grandma started calling me a slutty whore, and told us we were a disgrace to our family, while trying to hit him with her cane. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my girlfriend tells me she missed her period this month. I felt excited until she said, "I will let you know the results of the paternity test." I was not aware we needed a paternity test. FML

by Haitwun / 12/14/2015 at 2:29am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I confessed to my coworker that I'm interested in her romantically. She turned me down, saying that I'm a great guy, but that she basically doesn't want mixed-race children. She said she isn't racist, though, so I guess it's all okay, right? FML

by disgusted / 12/13/2015 at 2:45am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML

by fionna_fiamma / 12/12/2015 at 8:33am / Slovenia (Maribor Commune) / Love

Today, my boyfriend backed out on our date so he could help his best friend get ready for some kind of drag queen competition. FML

by strictly cum prancing / 12/11/2015 at 2:48pm / United States / Love

Today, my mom made me go to church choir rehearsal with her so I could sing "the gay" out of me. FML

by PheobeBuffay / 12/11/2015 at 1:14pm / Norway (Vestfold) / Love

Today, I had been stress-eating a lot of junk food during finals week at college. I was feeling worried about my figure, and lifted up my shirt to see myself in the mirror. My boyfriend, who I didn't know was watching, promptly said, "Whoa babe, it looks like the condom broke!" FML

by pregnantapparently / 12/10/2015 at 1:45pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2015 at 3:19am / Sri Lanka (Western) / Love

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

by PerturbedStudent / 12/09/2015 at 6:42pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML

by neverleavingthehouseagain / 12/08/2015 at 6:08pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

by Emma / 12/08/2015 at 12:23pm / United States / Love

Today, I asked my girlfriend to marry me. She said no because she doesn't want to be tied down for the rest of her life. We already have 3 children, a mortgage, and joint bank accounts. How much more tied down could we possibly get? FML

by Nile / 12/08/2015 at 12:21pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Love

Today, my husband put on a nice suit and asked me out to dinner. When he found out I was on my period, he decided to stay home instead, since there was "no point" anymore. FML

by alexa / 12/08/2015 at 12:14pm / Germany (Bayern) / Love