Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

by anonymous / 01/22/2016 at 8:56pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I accidentally stood up my first date ever. How? I spent all of last night cleaning my parents' house for extra spending money to make sure the date went perfect, but I ended up sleeping through the alarm as well. FML

by OhNo / 01/22/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend read an FML by some guy about fight he had with his nutjob of a girlfriend. It was so bizarrely similar to a fight we had recently that she accused me of not having any balls and bitching about her to strangers. It wasn't even my story. FML

by believe me now?? / 01/22/2016 at 3:55pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Love

Today, my shitburglar of an ex asked me to take him back. He said dumping me was a huge mistake. He dumped me because I was bed-ridden for several weeks and was in no condition to have sex. If his social media is anything to go by, he only wants me back because he couldn't get laid elsewhere. FML

by Anonymous / 01/22/2016 at 2:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, my eldest daughter announced she was getting divorced. She never even told me she was married. FML

by Kimel / 01/21/2016 at 7:11pm / France (Franche-Comte) / Love

Today, my sick semi-delusional boyfriend, whom I've been taking care of for days, accused me of trying to poison him so that I could play World of Warcraft. FML

by Septy / 01/21/2016 at 1:17pm / Spain (Andalucia) / Love

Today, while I was taking a shower, my boyfriend came into the bathroom to ask me a question. When I got out of the shower, I was greeted with a horrifying cutout of Michael Jackson. I fell backwards, shattering the glass shower door. I needed stitches. FML

by Shy_Shiloh / 01/21/2016 at 3:58am / United States (Ohio) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I told my boyfriend he's the only good thing left in my life. That's not a healthy relationship dynamic, he said, and ended up breaking up with me. FML

by brokenhearted / 01/19/2016 at 9:59am / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Love

Today, I found out my fiancée has been sleeping with the salesman I bought her engagement ring from. He knew. FML

by FML / 01/19/2016 at 1:41am / United States / Love

Today, I woke up from an amazing dream I was having about my girlfriend. We were laughing and holding hands, the kind of dream I wanted to stay asleep for. When I finally got up, I was excited to tell her about the dream but then I remembered. We broke up a week ago. FML

by Anonymous / 01/18/2016 at 5:30pm / United States / Love

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

by Roll Tide of Tears / 01/16/2016 at 10:28pm / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy by text. I felt so betrayed, I stupidly tried to hurt her by replying that I'd been cheating on her all along with a hot babe. Turned out the dumping text was actually a prank by her friend. Now I'm single and everyone thinks I'm a cheater. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2016 at 12:04am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was walking home with my boyfriend and we passed the shop where my ex works at. My boyfriend slapped my ass right as my ex came out. It was so sudden that I started choking on a fry and dropped soda all over myself. My ex kept laughing all while my boyfriend kept apologizing. FML

by Gamergirl137 / 01/15/2016 at 9:28pm / United States (California) / Love