Today, I tried to discipline my two year old son. Whenever I do this, he starts pointing and imitating me, and I can't help but laugh. This explains why he never listens to me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2012 at 12:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 8:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2011 at 1:21am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

by anonymous / 12/28/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2011 at 10:53am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

by Peter / 12/26/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2011 at 4:55am / United States / Kids

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

by Broke Mama / 12/24/2011 at 9:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I found out that my estranged daughter has been married for five years. I wasn't told of or invited to their wedding, and the only reason I know now is because she needs money for a divorce lawyer. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 3:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 1:23pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML

by imamomma / 12/20/2011 at 1:59pm / United States / Kids

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

by Pimpleeater / 12/20/2011 at 2:45am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

by dealingdave / 12/19/2011 at 7:24am / United States (Missouri) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.