Today, while driving home from school, I noticed one of our hot quarterbacks in the car behind me. Trying to impress him, I pulled into the driveway of an expensive-looking house. To my horror, he pulled in behind me and asked what I was doing at his house. FML

by brooke / 03/21/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 8:21am / United States / Kids

Today, I accused my son of faking being sick. He then blew chunks all over me. FML

by George Saunders / 03/21/2012 at 12:06am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Kids

Today, I had to tell a parent about her son kicking a boy in his class. She blamed me for not watching him. I wasn't watching him because I was turned around to care for another boy he had hit right before that. FML

by LadyJ / 03/20/2012 at 8:23pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I was at the park with my friends. We were all having fun on the swings, when out of nowhere I heard a thud, followed by a child crying. Turns out I accidentally kicked him in the head. FML

by Evelyn / 03/19/2012 at 4:18pm / United States / Kids

Today, I told my daughter that she should put some love into her cooking. She started kissing the ingredients. FML

by FoodyFood / 03/19/2012 at 12:59am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

by Redhead4life / 03/17/2012 at 8:48pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I managed to staple my finger while showing my kindergartner class how to properly use one. FML

by Anonymous / 03/16/2012 at 2:02am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML

by mikey51 / 03/09/2012 at 8:56pm / Australia / Kids

Today, my 8-year-old niece corrected my spelling via text message. FML

by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 3:41pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I was babysitting a 7 year-old brat. He refused to eat his vegetables, so I forbade him from playing until they were finished. He stomped off upstairs, so I let him cool off for a couple of minutes. When I went upstairs, he had taken scissors to all of his mother's clothes. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2012 at 3:30am / Belgium / Kids

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

by Fairy31 / 02/29/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I gave my little brother my iPhone so he could play a game. I soon forgot about it, and when I got it back two hours later, there was pudding and a couple of big cracks in it. FML

by unknown / 02/26/2012 at 8:53am / United States (Maryland) / Kids