Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 5:07pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

by thosedamnkids / 01/22/2012 at 12:09am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML

by WillaminaL / 01/19/2012 at 10:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML

by Ange / 01/15/2012 at 2:34pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

by me / 01/13/2012 at 8:38pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2012 at 1:41pm / United Kingdom (London) / Kids

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2012 at 6:54am / Sweden / Kids

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

by tiredoffamilydinners / 01/12/2012 at 12:00am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my 18 year old son asked me to check if there were any monsters under his bed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2012 at 3:08pm / United Arab Emirates / Kids

Today, I received a letter from the state saying my 14-year-old daughter is now legally recognized as a male. I have no idea what happened. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2012 at 12:43pm / India / Kids

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

by ProudMama / 01/07/2012 at 7:50pm / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, I tried to discipline my two year old son. Whenever I do this, he starts pointing and imitating me, and I can't help but laugh. This explains why he never listens to me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2012 at 12:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my daughter brought her new boyfriend over for dinner. I realize now why she said we would get along great: we graduated high school together. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2012 at 8:10pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids