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Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

#17966458
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13802) - you deserved it (45263)

On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home from work to find the front door wide open, the stove on, my 5 year old cutting up the curtain, and my 2 year old smearing chocolate sauce on the floor. My fiancé was nowhere to be found. Later on, I got a text from him saying that he'd gone to watch the footy. FML

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

#17939452
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29757) - you deserved it (6572)

On 10/08/2011 at 11:53pm - kids - by hairless - Canada (Quebec)

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

#17910752
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26059) - you deserved it (8109)

On 10/05/2011 at 11:29am - kids - by Pissed (woman) - Australia

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

#17892835
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36942) - you deserved it (5780)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:26am - kids - by Ramis182 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36897) - you deserved it (9870)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

#17883500
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11417) - you deserved it (36599)

On 10/02/2011 at 12:53am - kids - by Kelly - United States (Florida)

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

#17880683
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30797) - you deserved it (11672)

On 10/01/2011 at 7:10pm - kids - by kewtness_17 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

#17874852
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33524) - you deserved it (3284)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm - kids - by jesus christ - United States

Today, my 5 year old daughter told me that I needed to stay 50 feet away from her at all times when we were at school, mostly because I didn't hang with the cool parents. FML

#17826099
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29542) - you deserved it (3706)

On 09/25/2011 at 12:03am - kids - by Lolaa123 - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter trying to tan herself with her regular desk lamp. She won't believe that it wouldn't give her a tan. She's 16 years old. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#17786213
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32460) - you deserved it (4970)

On 09/20/2011 at 3:24am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

#17767423
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33738) - you deserved it (8820)

On 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm - kids - by awesomekidsmum - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter spoke her first words. Her dad had been practicing with her for weeks in secret. She crawled to me and said, "I poop." FML

#17761729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28677) - you deserved it (4490)

On 09/17/2011 at 12:36am - kids - by applesmama - United States (Tennessee)



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