Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2012 at 12:18am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

by vanessax / 04/11/2012 at 1:04am / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

by kayadd33 / 04/10/2012 at 10:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2012 at 6:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I realized the reason my 20-year-old daughter has been so moody and aggressive is because she missed the promotional My Little Pony toys at McDonald's. FML

by Anonymous / 04/08/2012 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my four-year-old son decided to bite my butt during prayer at church. The entire sanctuary heard me instinctively swear at him. FML

by potatoebee / 04/03/2012 at 2:19pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

by baldspot / 04/02/2012 at 1:38am / Australia / Kids

Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML

by James / 03/30/2012 at 2:44pm / United States / Kids

Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML

by MDWilde / 03/30/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (Alaska) / Kids

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

by laststand11 / 03/28/2012 at 6:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML

by azmom / 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML

by ohhdear.___. / 03/26/2012 at 10:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, at my grandmother's funeral there was a fight about inheritance. It was my teenage daughters arguing about what they get when I die. FML

by thammer / 03/24/2012 at 9:20am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids