Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

by 23yearoldtoddler / 05/18/2012 at 10:13am / United States / Kids

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 12:35am / United States / Kids

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

by inapickle / 05/16/2012 at 4:20am / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

by just me / 05/13/2012 at 2:54pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 8:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and go seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

by jessye1182 / 05/11/2012 at 7:16pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Kids

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2012 at 6:09pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Kids

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

by A-64 / 05/08/2012 at 4:48pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Kids

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

by SomePeoplesKids / 05/08/2012 at 2:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my four-year-old daughter started screaming and lashing out at me as I was getting her ready for a bath. It seems my idiot husband told her she was still small enough to be feasted on by the "drain monster". FML

by lon01t / 05/07/2012 at 4:43pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Kids

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

by flustered / 05/06/2012 at 10:57am / United States (South Dakota) / Kids