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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

#21288917
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31417) - you deserved it (2620)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML

#21287735
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32452) - you deserved it (3420)

On 10/29/2014 at 3:39pm - kids - by lexigan4 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my little sister decided to color-in my favorite black-and-white comic book. It was worth over $200. When I told my mother, she said, "Oh that old thing? I thought it was a stupid coloring book you were too stupid to color." FML

#21287570
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39218) - you deserved it (3919)

On 10/29/2014 at 9:09am - kids - by NoColor (woman) - United States (California)

Today, trying to be a good role model for the kids behind me, I stopped and thoroughly checked both sides of the road before crossing. I still managed to get hit by a car. FML

#21287500
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34456) - you deserved it (6655)

On 10/29/2014 at 4:19am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32762) - you deserved it (4575)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son asked for my help with a personal matter. I was flattered that he trusted me, since he's a paranoid, untrusting psycho. Turned out he wanted to use my locksmith skills to break into his ex's house and "teach her a lesson" for breaking up with him after he cheated on her. FML

#21285546
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34860) - you deserved it (4968)

On 10/26/2014 at 9:54am - kids - by Bob H. (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35979) - you deserved it (4430)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

#21283412
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33824) - you deserved it (3805)

On 10/22/2014 at 9:33pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

#21283066
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41359) - you deserved it (5533)

On 10/22/2014 at 12:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

#21282364
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30084) - you deserved it (2883)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:41am - kids - by Bald (man) - Turkey (Istanbul)

Today, I caught my 15-year-old son trying to roll catnip into a joint and smoke it. FML

#21281464
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32247) - you deserved it (4400)

On 10/19/2014 at 11:48pm - kids - by Bad Dad - United States (Colorado)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32251) - you deserved it (3035)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30349) - you deserved it (4787)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom



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