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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I walked in on my mom ranting on about what a useless bitch I am. She was talking to my cat. It's not the first time this has happened, either. FML

#17471195
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31857) - you deserved it (3702)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my 14-year-old son was terrified of going into the water near our house, because he was scared of having his leg bitten off by a shark. We live by a lake. I tried explaining why it couldn't happen, but he just cowered behind a beach towel. FML

#17463558
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25469) - you deserved it (4306)

On 08/13/2011 at 9:17pm - kids - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

#17458191
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9211) - you deserved it (35870)

On 08/13/2011 at 6:31am - kids - by Kathryn - Belgium

Today, I was teasing my 12 year old little cousin about him liking my best friend. I guess it made him mad because he yelled "Breast cancer!" at the top of his lungs before power-punching my right boob. FML

#17457165
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18780) - you deserved it (33385)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:51am - kids - by brittbrat4 - United States (Florida)

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

#17448755
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31091) - you deserved it (2698)

On 08/12/2011 at 9:14am - kids - by LuckySperm (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML

#17438082
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28664) - you deserved it (5152)

On 08/11/2011 at 4:45am - kids - by IRum (man) - Russian Federation

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

#17404140
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33615) - you deserved it (4875)

On 08/08/2011 at 2:45am - kids - by Jilly (woman) - Australia

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

#17396996
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25428) - you deserved it (3092)

On 08/07/2011 at 1:14pm - kids - by SheaLili - United States (California)

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

#17395246
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28702) - you deserved it (5537)

On 08/07/2011 at 5:52am - kids - by myheart75 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

#17391065
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35349) - you deserved it (10066)

On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#17390197
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36326) - you deserved it (3591)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

#17388781
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24591) - you deserved it (3460)

On 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm - kids - by Tabby (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML

#17372798
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26727) - you deserved it (2119)

On 08/04/2011 at 11:56pm - kids - by mommytobe (woman) - United States (California)



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