Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

#17640475
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48158) - you deserved it (18460)

On 09/01/2011 at 11:44pm - kids - by nyaahaha - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34077) - you deserved it (3760)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed a young child wandering out onto a busy street. I managed to grab his arm just as he stepped off the sidewalk and yank him away from almost certain death. My reward was his mother, who was on her cell phone the whole time, screaming at me for touching her child. FML

#17629696
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32478) - you deserved it (2115)

On 08/31/2011 at 1:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

#17629318
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43472) - you deserved it (12184)

On 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm - kids - by MJjunior (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32057) - you deserved it (3063)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

#17620936
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28986) - you deserved it (3518)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm - kids - by bunkbed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

#17615072
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36751) - you deserved it (3544)

On 08/29/2011 at 7:59pm - kids - by slavelaborsux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

#17606704
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32320) - you deserved it (9064)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm - kids - by cjay2200 - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

#17589852
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40388) - you deserved it (3795)

On 08/26/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by candie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
682 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30359) - you deserved it (49417)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, after 18 years of struggling to provide my daughter with the finest educational opportunities I could afford, I dropped her off to start school at the best public university in the U.S. So far the only thing she's learned is what weed smells like. FML

#17560241
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28673) - you deserved it (5764)

On 08/23/2011 at 5:55pm - kids - by BerzerkelyBongBabe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

#17557352
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36420) - you deserved it (4564)

On 08/23/2011 at 11:55am - kids - by Username - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

#17547713
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28596) - you deserved it (2900)

On 08/22/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by rene - United States (Texas)



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