Today, I finished a big painting for art class. It's also the day my little brother decided it didn't have enough puke on it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 9:44am / Canada / Kids

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2015 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, on my daughter's 9th birthday, I have to let her know that her dog died in his sleep overnight. Happy birthday. FML

Today, my bitch of a sister broke my new phone, which took me months of work to earn. Her excuse? If I didn't want her to break it, I shouldn't have let her use it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2015 at 8:43am / United Kingdom (Bexley) / Kids

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

by tortureromoretorture / 08/26/2015 at 8:28pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I had my daughter babysit her 2-year-old brother while I went out with my husband. I told her not to let him out of her sight. She certainly did as I said; when I tuned into our internet-enabled baby monitor, I heard her and some guy having sex in the room. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2015 at 4:04am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, a fifth grader gave me a note from his "father" excusing him from PE. It was riddled with spelling errors and shockingly poor grammar, so I rejected it as a blatant fake. Several hours later, I was informed by his very angry father that it wasn't actually fake. FML

by shit.jpg / 08/25/2015 at 3:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, while in line at the supermarket, I told the lady behind me that she had a cute baby. She shot me a disgusted look and straight up accused me of being a pedophile. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:49am / United States / Kids

Today, at my sister's wedding, I got my 15 month old son to 'sign' the big guest book. I gave him a pen and was hoping for a cute little squiggle or something. But no, he managed to draw something that looked uncannily like a big swastika. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2015 at 12:46pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, the nine year old girl I was babysitting got the hiccups, so I told her to drink some water upside down to cure them. She ended up vomiting on the floor. FML

by emily074 / 08/22/2015 at 11:13pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I screamed like a little girl and scrambled to climb atop the toilet seat when I saw a cockroach running around our bathroom. My 5-year-old nephew came in, slapped it to death and said not to be scared, because he'll always protect me. FML

by MyBallsForSaleOnEbay / 08/21/2015 at 11:25am / Malta / Kids

Today, my niece started crying because she thought that someday she'll look like me. FML

by ambiiii / 08/19/2015 at 11:25pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I told my daughter that we're going to the beach. Today, my daughter also tried to dig up our deceased dog that we buried in our back yard last week so it can come along. FML

by GlueAndCarrots / 08/19/2015 at 10:38pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids