Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

by Got_any_grapes1 / 04/11/2011 at 1:23pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I bought myself a brand-new 52" flatscreen. It was only in my house for 2 hours before my toddler had a tantrum, threw a toy right into the screen and wrecked it beyond repair. I paid to have a nice TV for 2 hours. FML

by ac32 / 04/11/2011 at 12:05pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I had to call AAA because not only did I lock my keys in the car, I also locked in my toddlers. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2011 at 2:37pm / United States / Kids

Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML

by heathersmorin / 04/08/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

by Anonymous / 04/05/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML

by Bailey / 04/05/2011 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won't stop crying. FML

by arbiter3 / 04/04/2011 at 6:13am / Kids

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

by ravenskater / 04/03/2011 at 10:47pm / Kids

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

by Viciousvixen_21 / 04/02/2011 at 3:35am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while searching for the pungent odor that has been lingering in my son's bedroom, I discovered various types of juice my son has been "storing" to make wine. FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2011 at 6:10pm / United States (Wyoming) / Kids

Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML

by ohshit / 03/28/2011 at 8:31pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, it's my birthday and my kids made me a card. Unfortunately, my kids used the wall for paper. Now I have red and blue crayon all over my bedroom wall. FML

by nicchick411 / 03/27/2011 at 11:17am / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I'm babysitting three children under the age of seven. They have no discipline, don't listen, scream all the time, won't nap, terrorize my dog, and have peed their pants a collective 5 times today. I am not getting paid for this. Their mother has no plans to come get them any time soon. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2011 at 11:36pm / United States (Washington) / Kids