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Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

#1973147
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48056) - you deserved it (5546)

On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was in a public bathroom, and a little boy walks in and he has an accident. He asked if I could help him clean it up. So I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and I slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

#1968921
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42563) - you deserved it (5770)

On 05/15/2009 at 5:22pm - kids - by Dinho (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

#1962553
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38960) - you deserved it (2447)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by BigBadTron (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

#1958201
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12461) - you deserved it (36840)

On 05/15/2009 at 6:20am - kids - by Sodge (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a little girl at my work had an accident. She asked me to help her change, and as she was changing she stuck her hand in her vagina to make sure all the "peepee was gone". She then put that same hand on my face to balance herself as she finished changing. FML

#1949482
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53819) - you deserved it (3117)

On 05/14/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by thisreallyhappened (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

#1942963
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27210) - you deserved it (38729)

On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57331) - you deserved it (5313)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

#1918683
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55581) - you deserved it (6603)

On 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm - kids - by chelserusera (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

#1905571
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42584) - you deserved it (3554)

On 05/13/2009 at 4:15pm - kids - by stickers (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I let my 5 year-old niece walk my 3 month-old husky puppy while I watched. I didn't realize how strong my puppy actually is until she took off running while dragging my niece with her. My niece now has two busted up knees and chin and her mother is now calling my puppy "demon puppy." FML

Today, I gave my 16 year old step daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me the hypocritical pervert. FML

#1885333
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12361) - you deserved it (70147)

On 05/12/2009 at 8:23pm - kids - by firewait (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was babysitting a really bratty little girl. She came and cuddled up on the couch so I took it as an apology. I feel asleep while she was sitting with me and when I woke up she had peed on me. She locked herself in her room and was laughing about peeing on me for discipling her. FML

#1861801
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50854) - you deserved it (6404)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I took my mom out to a fancy restaurant, and spent close to $300 on her Mother's Day present. Later, my little brother drew her a card with crayons on pink construction paper. She cried. He is 20 years old. FML

#1818781
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57214) - you deserved it (5514)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by Jess-zee (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)



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