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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

#21256659
154 comments

Today, my daughter's teacher called me, very concerned, because my child told the whole class she's not virgin anymore. The word is "vegan", honey. FML

#21253313
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40596) - you deserved it (3861)

On 09/06/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by healthfreak - United States (Georgia)

Today, a little kid accidentally ran into me at the pool. He apologized by biting my leg. FML

#21251454
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32179) - you deserved it (2883)

On 09/03/2014 at 9:24pm - kids - by adeeri - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

#21251377
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39986) - you deserved it (3883)

On 09/03/2014 at 7:35pm - kids - by MusicLover18 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was working at the daycare. As I left with my boyfriend, a kid came up to us and said that my boyfriend could do way better. FML

#21251155
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35751) - you deserved it (3253)

On 09/03/2014 at 1:40pm - kids - by unlucky - United States (New York)

Today, I had to cancel my plans to go see my grandma, because I wasn't feeling too well. I called her to apologize, but she had trouble remembering who I was. When I told her my name, she said "Oh, the FAT one." Yes grandma, the fat one. FML

#21249110
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38965) - you deserved it (5059)

On 08/31/2014 at 3:27pm - kids - by TheFatOne - United States

Today, my boyfriend was entertaining himself by shoving tampons up his nose and seeing how far across the bed he could blow them. This man is the father of my son. FML

#21248639
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35355) - you deserved it (8736)

On 08/30/2014 at 7:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

#21248169
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37728) - you deserved it (9586)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

#21247999
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39484) - you deserved it (4869)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:22pm - kids - by Quincy_Ethan - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

#21247893
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45522) - you deserved it (2795)

On 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm - kids - by hannahka (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

#21247749
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40582) - you deserved it (3831)

On 08/29/2014 at 8:35am - kids - by Amithatevil - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, my demented little sister walked up to me and kicked me between the legs. I told my parents, but they just accusingly asked me what I did to provoke her. When I said "nothing", they accused me of lying. There is no justice. FML

#21247278
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37666) - you deserved it (2902)

On 08/28/2014 at 5:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I won a goldfish at the amusement park. My little brother took him out of the bowl because he thought he was drowning. FML

#21246787
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38829) - you deserved it (3333)

On 08/27/2014 at 10:33pm - kids - by That idiot - United States (Nevada)



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