Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML

#16607799
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40310) - you deserved it (7607)

On 06/11/2011 at 7:12am - kids - by julia - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my cousin taught me how to make dinner. My cousin is in first grade and I'm in college. FML

#16598107
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12733) - you deserved it (39477)

On 06/10/2011 at 5:22pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at the park with my daughter. She walked up to a boy at the swings, held her hand out, and said, "Hi I'm Vanessa, and someday you'll be working for me." FML

#16591956
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35192) - you deserved it (13045)

On 06/10/2011 at 5:57am - kids - by Rachel (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

#16520207
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32702) - you deserved it (4369)

On 06/05/2011 at 9:44pm - kids - by Whoops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

#16468673
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42191) - you deserved it (5767)

On 06/02/2011 at 2:43pm - kids - by fuck (man) - United States

Today, my 12 year old cousin decided that "all men are pigs" and deleted every male contact in my phone. FML

#16434926
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40240) - you deserved it (4742)

On 05/31/2011 at 12:47pm - kids - by Ann - United States (Michigan)

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

#16398150
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33465) - you deserved it (14942)

On 05/29/2011 at 4:12am - kids - by adogg18 - United States (California)

Today, I asked my kids if I looked good before going to work. Smiling, they told me I looked wonderful. It wasn't until I got to work and looked into the mirror until I noticed my left eyebrow was gone. FML

#16391580
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36743) - you deserved it (8136)

On 05/28/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by tb351 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

#16375821
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40998) - you deserved it (6046)

On 05/27/2011 at 6:09pm - kids - by diddlebuag - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

#16334194
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36640) - you deserved it (4636)

On 05/24/2011 at 9:34pm - kids - by OhDear (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

#16332593
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23660) - you deserved it (51503)

On 05/24/2011 at 8:02pm - kids - by StupidApple -

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

#16310426
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42186) - you deserved it (4332)

On 05/23/2011 at 7:58am - kids - by Bad Parent -

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

#16307773
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32238) - you deserved it (8124)

On 05/23/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by sleepy (woman) - United States (Colorado)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: