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Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

#21280942
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36419) - you deserved it (4781)

On 10/19/2014 at 7:22am - kids - by how about never? (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

#21280509
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34427) - you deserved it (12315)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

#21279992
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30645) - you deserved it (3489)

On 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by KayyElOh94 - United States

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

#21276854
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36666) - you deserved it (3572)

On 10/13/2014 at 11:42am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

#21276472
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37038) - you deserved it (4743)

On 10/12/2014 at 8:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

#21274410
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28918) - you deserved it (4951)

On 10/09/2014 at 6:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

#21273806
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34607) - you deserved it (3565)

On 10/08/2014 at 9:12pm - kids - by thenegatives - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

#21271391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35503) - you deserved it (4454)

On 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm - kids - by SmellyCloset (man) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33314) - you deserved it (2452)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30261) - you deserved it (3838)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

#21268628
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37587) - you deserved it (4559)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm - kids - by Potforapeso (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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