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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

#21456120
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21397) - you deserved it (1680)

On 08/14/2015 at 7:38pm - kids - by Tyrez (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

#21455715
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25597) - you deserved it (2583)

On 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm - kids - by stressedmom36 - United States (Florida)

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

#21455380
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23019) - you deserved it (1994)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:44pm - kids - by jjjjjohn cena - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

#21454009
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24167) - you deserved it (2370)

On 08/09/2015 at 8:37pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML

#21453691
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29750) - you deserved it (2194)

On 08/08/2015 at 11:53pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

#21453304
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24569) - you deserved it (10540)

On 08/07/2015 at 10:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

#21453093
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24269) - you deserved it (2169)

On 08/07/2015 at 9:49am - kids - by argfarblewarblearble (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

#21452734
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22385) - you deserved it (2975)

On 08/06/2015 at 1:28pm - kids - by gross - United States

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24040) - you deserved it (3378)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my satan-spawn of a step-son proudly showed that he can pee accurately while standing up. I'd be less livid if he hadn't pissed on me while I was asleep in bed. FML

#21450786
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25209) - you deserved it (2409)

On 08/02/2015 at 7:39am - kids - by Wlanla (man) - Romania (Bacau)

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

#21450242
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27639) - you deserved it (1889)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm - kids - by Oihana - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out why I was always picked up last from school. My parents didn't want the other parents to find out I was their kid. FML

#21449647
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26781) - you deserved it (1982)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:35pm - kids - by Lonely School Kid - Canada

Today, my young stepdaughter decided that she should store her coins in my laptop's card reader slot and in the CD drive. I just bought the laptop last week. FML

#21449535
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23851) - you deserved it (2252)

On 07/30/2015 at 1:22pm - kids - by GidleyWife (woman) - United States (California)



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