Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML

by DeepFriedLettuce / 04/28/2016 at 9:33pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my husband got a vasectomy. My mother-in-law is extremely upset that he only gave her one grandson. Guess my other son doesn't count. FML

by Star_Wars_Lover / 04/26/2016 at 11:34am / United States (Texas) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, once again someone pointed out how much my brother and boyfriend look alike. FML

by tellyc / 04/25/2016 at 10:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my brothers thought it would be funny to put me inside a huge luggage bag we got for a trip to Canada. It was all fun and games until they dragged me outside, kicked me down a few steps, and left me stuck in the bag, locked outside with the cat. FML

by TheNotSoGoodDay / 04/25/2016 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Kids

Today, as I was getting out of the car, my 7-year-old son opened the door for me. I thought it was very gentlemanly of him to do that, until he smashed my thumb with the car door. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2016 at 10:38am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my daughter had a vocabulary assignment. She had to find five new words in books and movies. She was watching Shrek, so her first word was "thong". FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 8:33pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 4:14pm / United States (West Virginia) / Kids

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 3:41pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, while waiting in line with my 4-year-old son, I had to awkwardly apologize to an African-American gentleman and explain to my son that the man was not made out of chocolate. FML

by BenFiggy / 04/21/2016 at 9:28am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML

by Jim / 04/19/2016 at 1:25pm / United States / Kids

Today, during a soccer game, some utter moron got the bright idea of trying to score a goal from his side of the field. I sarcastically made a big show of just barely stopping the ball, and nailed it off to the side. The ball hit a kid so hard in the head that he had to go to the hospital. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2016 at 12:37pm / United States (Delaware) / Kids

Today, my daughter and her "friend" kept using crude euphemisms right in front of me, thinking I was too old or too stupid to figure out what they meant. I nearly had an aneurysm when she told him he could put his "pencil" in her "sharpener" next time they studied together. FML

by Anonymous / 04/09/2016 at 9:12am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids

Today, my 4-year-old brother has a very strict 8:30 PM bedtime. Since I would have to walk past his door to get to the rest of the house, I'm not allowed to leave my room past that time, lest I tempt him to get up too. I can't even go to the bathroom. FML

by minissaussette / 04/08/2016 at 7:39pm / Kids