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Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

#21349904
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37444) - you deserved it (4239)

On 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by MIB thingy please... (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

#21349737
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33809) - you deserved it (5479)

On 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by No thank you (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21349595
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35598) - you deserved it (4191)

On 02/04/2015 at 10:16am - intimacy - by Grrrreat (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

#21348539
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44288) - you deserved it (2555)

On 02/02/2015 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by StantheMan93 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML

#21348376
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44823) - you deserved it (3224)

On 02/02/2015 at 2:34pm - intimacy - by itsemilyc - United States (Michigan)

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

#21347719
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30445) - you deserved it (3307)

On 02/01/2015 at 11:17am - intimacy - by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

#21347069
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26860) - you deserved it (5131)

On 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm - intimacy - by The Soul Of A Damned Queef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd want to hear the details later. My boyfriend said, "Sure", and kept going. FML

#21346952
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28741) - you deserved it (3060)

On 01/30/2015 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

#21346857
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35606) - you deserved it (3697)

On 01/30/2015 at 3:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex. In the middle of it he said, "I want us to be covalent bonds". I didn't understand what he meant, and he actually stopped to explain it to me. FML

#21346746
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25847) - you deserved it (6876)

On 01/30/2015 at 10:11am - intimacy - by Chemist-why (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29798) - you deserved it (13147)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I found out that the guy I've been sleeping with is my mom's gynecologist. FML

#21346230
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32344) - you deserved it (4062)

On 01/29/2015 at 2:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

#21344749
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27679) - you deserved it (1898)

On 01/26/2015 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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