Today, my girlfriend wasn't kidding when she said that if I hit her cervix just the 'right' way during sex, she'd puke. I was on the bottom. FML

by VisceralWolf / 01/26/2016 at 1:35am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was leaving the house to go on a date. My dad stopped me at the door and said confidently, "Tear that pussy up, son." I'm gay and my dad knows that. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2016 at 8:24pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Intimacy

Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2016 at 10:27am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, my neighbors in the apartment above me yet again had a loud fight, well past midnight while I was trying to sleep. I stood on my bed and pounded on the ceiling to shut them up. And now I'll have to explain the two fist-shaped holes in the ceiling to my landlord. FML

by soon to have a fist shaped hole in my ass / 01/23/2016 at 2:49am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my dad let me borrow his phone while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. I guess he forgot to pass the news along, because within 4 hours I'd received a picture of my mom's tits. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2016 at 12:51am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was starting to get freaky with my boyfriend when his dad came in with no warning to let the dog into my boyfriend's bedroom. His dad noticed what was going on and covered the dog's eyes instead of just leaving. FML

by Garfield / 01/20/2016 at 11:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my husband took a pill to make him last longer in bed. He did last longer. He went from 5 minutes to 7. FML

by sadandmad / 01/20/2016 at 11:09am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

by xsnqw / 01/19/2016 at 5:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

by clostar / 01/19/2016 at 3:17pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 6:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I was having a wet dream and had a pretty vivid imagination. I ended up thrusting so hard that it showed up in reality. I literally humped so hard that I woke myself up. Not only that, but I was sleeping on the living room floor so my roommates saw and now it's their joke of the day. FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2016 at 1:41pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I slept with my deputy manager. He slept with my insane jealous housemate months ago. I need to find a new job and a new flat. FML

by anon / 01/16/2016 at 6:15pm / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Intimacy

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2016 at 1:40am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy