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Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

#21480731
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27433) - you deserved it (2725)

On 10/16/2015 at 11:05am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML

#21480502
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25522) - you deserved it (3196)

On 10/15/2015 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by GiveADogABone - United States

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

#21479741
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26749) - you deserved it (2800)

On 10/13/2015 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by iwantaraise - Australia

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

#21479527
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27198) - you deserved it (5815)

On 10/13/2015 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by luckygirl - Croatia (Grad Zagreb)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

#21479432
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31629) - you deserved it (5615)

On 10/13/2015 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

#21478114
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27694) - you deserved it (4657)

On 10/10/2015 at 12:33am - intimacy - by Deweyboy (man) - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

#21477939
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29300) - you deserved it (4137)

On 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by not impressed (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I'm staying at my grandparents' house. I went upstairs to grab my sketchbook to show off to my grandma. My grandpa is half-deaf, which I guess explains how he didn't hear me. I heard him though, jerking off and muttering the most disgusting sexual things about "Tara." I'm Tara. FML

#21477124
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33493) - you deserved it (1978)

On 10/07/2015 at 11:02am - intimacy - by T-Bear (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my sister shoving her vibrating phone into her privates. Can't erase that image. FML

#21476750
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26855) - you deserved it (3151)

On 10/06/2015 at 7:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

#21476414
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28206) - you deserved it (3223)

On 10/05/2015 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by ph2222 - United States (Ohio)

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

#21475435
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22608) - you deserved it (6355)

On 10/02/2015 at 5:01pm - intimacy - by sad-boing (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

#21473282
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29030) - you deserved it (2748)

On 09/27/2015 at 12:05pm - intimacy - by itsbeenalongday - United States (California)

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

#21473001
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31985) - you deserved it (5728)

On 09/26/2015 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by erphy21 - United States (California)



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