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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

#21335578
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30133) - you deserved it (5905)

On 01/12/2015 at 2:56am - intimacy - by briiiiiiii123 - United States (New York)

Today, I got undressed in front of my boyfriend for the first time. His reaction? "You're chubbier than I expected". FML

#21335513
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39081) - you deserved it (3570)

On 01/12/2015 at 12:28am - intimacy - by reallyson? - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend and I were trying something new. I ended up with a shard of glass in my back and a concussion. Don't have sex on a glass table. FML

#21335128
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18034) - you deserved it (26540)

On 01/11/2015 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found three of my sister's dildos as I helped her unpack boxes for her new house. Jokingly, I said, "Why would you even need three?!" She actually explained. FML

#21334501
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31025) - you deserved it (10337)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by sisterlylove - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend and I were going to sext before going to sleep. It was very late, but I said I'd stay up for him. He sent a text asking me if I was ready. Me replying "yes" was the last thing I remember before I fell asleep on my horny boyfriend. FML

#21334154
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28919) - you deserved it (8860)

On 01/09/2015 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first ever orgasm. Then he bitched me out for insulting his intelligence, saying it was "blatantly fake" and that "women don't orgasm like that". FML

#21334061
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33565) - you deserved it (2732)

On 01/09/2015 at 6:09pm - intimacy - by good2know (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML

#21333313
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37450) - you deserved it (2469)

On 01/08/2015 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

#21333219
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32859) - you deserved it (4841)

On 01/08/2015 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I thought one of my flatmates was beating his girlfriend, so I barged in about to stop him. Turned out they were having really rough sex. FML

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

#21331631
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37154) - you deserved it (2472)

On 01/05/2015 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by innocent (woman) - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML

#21329462
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34186) - you deserved it (6808)

On 01/02/2015 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by I'll Make You FartCum (man) - United States (California)

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

#21328962
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27864) - you deserved it (3780)

On 01/01/2015 at 10:22pm - intimacy - by mrwilly (woman) - United States (New York)



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