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Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML

#21318050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30372) - you deserved it (3134)

On 12/15/2014 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by thechaos (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, as I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, she started doing stupidly fake moaning, which then went really high-pitched like a little girl's, killing my hard-on. She says she thought that because I'm Japanese-American, I'd only be able to cum if she copied "those Japanese pornstars". FML

#21317298
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36868) - you deserved it (3749)

On 12/14/2014 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by dating a moron (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

#21316711
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29652) - you deserved it (5229)

On 12/13/2014 at 11:03am - intimacy - by giantcuntflaps (woman) - Australia

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that he's not very good at dirty talk. He does it every time we have sex and it always turns me off. He started crying. FML

#21316697
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34342) - you deserved it (6103)

On 12/13/2014 at 10:20am - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States

Today, I found out first-hand that the most horrifying sight you can ever witness is two morbidly obese people getting nasty with each other in a dance club's run-down, public restroom. FML

#21316146
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31551) - you deserved it (4325)

On 12/12/2014 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I last that long. FML

#21315600
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23065) - you deserved it (11018)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:33pm - intimacy - by cigarettes - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend uses a period tracker app to find out when we can fuck. FML

#21315592
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33299) - you deserved it (7155)

On 12/11/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anon - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

#21315008
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35499) - you deserved it (3717)

On 12/10/2014 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by unlovedandunfucked (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, at work, I gave a piece of candy to a co-worker I have a crush on. She looked at me weirdly and walked away. I then remembered that my friend wrote "penis" on the wrapper. FML

#21314853
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28775) - you deserved it (6820)

On 12/10/2014 at 3:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML

#21313490
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34147) - you deserved it (2764)

On 12/07/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML

#21312610
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33648) - you deserved it (9886)

On 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by fuckered519 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He's Latino, so I thought he'd like it if I made a bit of noise and called him "papi" while we did it. It freaked him out enough to kill his boner, and now he thinks I have some kind of incest fetish. FML

#21310722
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18918) - you deserved it (38615)

On 12/03/2014 at 12:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend of 2 years, he mentioned what it would be like if he had sex with anyone other than me. I mentioned the same about him. He quickly yelled, "No, you're a woman. You are mine!" FML

#21309848
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34394) - you deserved it (4403)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:40am - intimacy - by justagirl (woman) - United States (California)



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