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Man or woman?

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

#21504604
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21874) - you deserved it (1580)

On 12/16/2015 at 9:55pm - intimacy - by MystoganFT - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

#21503854
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25985) - you deserved it (5451)

On 12/14/2015 at 11:50pm - intimacy - by Moth_Balled (man) - Australia

Today, I found out my girlfriend is a full-on, wants-to-be-banged-by-a-horse furry. FML

#21503215
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25305) - you deserved it (3006)

On 12/13/2015 at 6:47am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my ex texted me after more than a year of no communication. He wanted to know if I was interested in having a threesome with him and his current fiancée. FML

#21502739
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24827) - you deserved it (2304)

On 12/11/2015 at 9:38pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

#21502633
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19883) - you deserved it (4205)

On 12/11/2015 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

#21501271
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22227) - you deserved it (3165)

On 12/07/2015 at 9:32pm - intimacy - by Hormones apparently (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill from King of the Hill. When he saw me, he threw an ash tray at me and told me to get out. FML

#21501232
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21575) - you deserved it (1861)

On 12/07/2015 at 7:40pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got back from a week long holiday with my new girlfriend. I started thinking about her whilst talking to my parents and reflexively cupped my mother's ass. FML

#21501013
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12699) - you deserved it (27422)

On 12/07/2015 at 5:11am - intimacy - by accidentalnorman -

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

#21500678
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20388) - you deserved it (1717)

On 12/06/2015 at 8:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML

#21499648
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16070) - you deserved it (1433)

On 12/03/2015 at 11:41am - intimacy - by SadAndAlone - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my dad as he was getting changed. Now I know genetics can be a real bitch. With such a massive difference in size, I have to question whether I'm even biologically related to this old three-legged git. FML

#21499337
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26923) - you deserved it (3278)

On 12/03/2015 at 9:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

#21499606
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23422) - you deserved it (3460)

On 12/03/2015 at 7:52am - intimacy - by snortingspunk (woman) - South Africa

Today, I asked my dad why the Wi-fi was down. He just replied, "Why? Horno can't get no more porno?" No, "Horno" has an assignment. WTF? FML

#21499340
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21353) - you deserved it (2127)

On 12/02/2015 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by horno (man) - United States (California)



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