Today, my husband got some junk mail. My grandma brought the mail in and let my 5-year-old open it because it was just junk. It turns out it was a catalog from an adult toys shop. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2016 at 1:26pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, after assuring my best friend that his girlfriend would never cheat on him, I came home to my brother having loud sex with my best friend's girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 11:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, during an unrelated appointment with my GP, he offered me a free check for chlamydia. Despite me reassuring him that I was STI free, he insisted that I should undergo the test. I ended up agreeing, only because I was too embarrassed to admit that I'm still a virgin. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2016 at 2:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, the play I was directing opened. The curtain opened, and my lead actor and actress weren't prepared. I could tell from the looks on their faces as the whole audience saw him balls deep in her, doggy style, on stage. FML

by headinabag33 / 02/14/2016 at 8:57pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the most action I had on Valentine's day was a homeless guy pulling his dick out at me as I walked home from work. FML

by peachykeen / 02/14/2016 at 8:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2016 at 4:23am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my upstairs neighbor woke me with her sex moans, reminding me how single I'll be on Valentine's. FML

Today, I came to the realization that I dream more about my vibrator than I do about my boyfriend. FML

by wet dreams / 02/12/2016 at 12:46pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

by scarredforlife / 02/12/2016 at 4:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy

Today, I found out how painful it is to static shock the tip of your dick. FML

by Electro / 02/11/2016 at 4:51pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

by CmS_1733 / 02/11/2016 at 1:59pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my husband if he could at least try to give me an orgasm. His response? "Um... why?" FML

by not satisfied / 02/11/2016 at 12:06pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my now ex-boyfriend informed me that he is cheating on me with our neighbor, again. I wasn't aware that he cheated on me the first time. FML