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Today, my long-distance boyfriend arrived, took off my bra and told my boobs, "I missed you guys", then took off my panties and said, "Hey buddy" to my vagina before saying he missed me to my face. FML

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

#21423879
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30234) - you deserved it (1807)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:28am - intimacy - by waiting till marriage, she said (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

#21423445
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26323) - you deserved it (2012)

On 06/09/2015 at 4:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I received a package from Amazon. My mum smiled at me when I entered the living room, pointing to my package. She had already opened it and held back her smile. My penis pills for longer endurance just got delivered. FML

#21422808
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27016) - you deserved it (7883)

On 06/08/2015 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by Wrabel (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I am going to take a law school test. My Mom told me to relax, so I told her, "I'm better at stressing out, so I have something to fall back on if I bomb the test." To which she replied, "And masturbating, you've always excelled at that." FML

#21422751
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24435) - you deserved it (4145)

On 06/08/2015 at 9:35am - intimacy - by LZapped (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28560) - you deserved it (3165)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone for the night. FML

#21422070
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25870) - you deserved it (2454)

On 06/07/2015 at 12:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Gisborne)

Today, like every other day, my wife doesn't have time for sex because she's too busy on Facebook. Then she bitched me out because "we never have sex anymore." FML

#21421687
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27476) - you deserved it (2279)

On 06/06/2015 at 9:01am - intimacy - by cockblockedbyFB - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

#21421325
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25391) - you deserved it (3192)

On 06/05/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by yuck (woman) -

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

#21420621
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29573) - you deserved it (3769)

On 06/04/2015 at 8:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

#21420563
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30450) - you deserved it (3320)

On 06/04/2015 at 3:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I gave my girlfriend a hickey barely an inch from her vagina. She texted me later, saying her dad saw it and had grounded her. So yeah, I'm not sure I even want to know what the hell goes on in their house. FML

#21420087
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36529) - you deserved it (2556)

On 06/03/2015 at 3:22am - intimacy - by W T F (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, cops showed up at my house looking for an ex neighbor. It would be all cool if before knocking they didn't politely wait in front of my window listening me and my boyfriend having sex for half an hour. FML

#21418507
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28776) - you deserved it (2630)

On 05/31/2015 at 10:19am - intimacy - by bonsai_girl - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)



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Friday 31 July 2015

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