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Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML

#617200
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (135169) - you deserved it (11989)

On 03/26/2009 at 2:09am - intimacy - by lollipopp56 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I Bought Body Chocolate To Use In Bed With My Boyfriend In The Hopes Of Spicing Things Up . Everything Was Going Great, Until I Tasted It . It Was Disgusting And Actually Made Me Gag A Little . Later, My Boyfriend Checked The Label And Started Laughing . It Had Expired 3 Years Ago . FML

#593537
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21174) - you deserved it (77629)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, mah boyfriend came over fir dinner, but couldn't eat cuz he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at mah boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

#572670
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80183) - you deserved it (8955)

On 03/24/2009 at 6:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I ad my car stolen. Wen te police found it, pretty muc everyting inside was missing. For some reason, I ad left 6 pars of soes in my back seat. Woever stole my car tougt it would be funny to take one soe from eac pair. I now own 6 unmatced soes an my car smells lyk sex. FML

#570871
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84446) - you deserved it (5736)

On 03/24/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by proudestmonkey (man) - United States (Colorado)

today my 11 yaar old brothar walkad in on ma sitting on my boyfriand's ass an giving him a back massaga!! Ha tiltad his haad a littla an than said "Aran't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't ha supposad to ba on top?" My boyfriand laughad an gava him a high-fiva!! FML

#560138
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101080) - you deserved it (31136)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend of nine months when she gets a phone call and decides to answer it. It was her fiancé that I knew nothing about. She told me she was engaged while I was still inside of her. big fat FML

#552501
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110342) - you deserved it (8158)

On 03/23/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by MID12 (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today I Was On A Thrd Date With A Grl. Things Had Been Going Really Well. At One Point The Conversation Lulld. After A Moment Of Silence She Askd Me Wat My Greatest Fantasy Was. I Told Her That It Was Bieng A Superhero. She Told Me That She Meant Sexual Fantasy. I'm 25. FML

#548295
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22636) - you deserved it (63215)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:46am - intimacy - by whatever (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Taday when I walked into work all of my co-workers were giggling an asking "How was YOUR night last night?". Last night I had sex 4 the first time with someone I'm seeing secretly (with good reason). That person is my boss. He told everyone. FML

#548239
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66651) - you deserved it (28389)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

today my crush and I were hooking up and as he slipped his hands up my shrt in order to "feel me up" he started rubbing around my whole torso . When I asked him what he was doing he replied "well I was looking fir yur boobs but apparently u have none" FML

#544318
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96396) - you deserved it (8414)

On 03/22/2009 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by tinytitty (woman) - United States (New York)

I texted my boyfriend to see if he wanted to finally have sex today. His response was ( Can't, Platinum just came out. ) I didn't know what that meant so I sereched ( Platinum 3-22-2009 ) on Google. I found out he's talking about a new Pokémon game. FML

#542382
458 comments

I agree, your life sucks (121653) - you deserved it (22681)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:15pm - intimacy - by thisreallysucks2 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

#538708
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60700) - you deserved it (7354)

On 03/22/2009 at 8:11pm - intimacy - by liz1234 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my scool andd out te new yerebook. I was so excitd to be on te cover page in a group sot wit all my friends until I realizd tat I was aving a boner at te time te pic was taken. Tese books go out to teole scool. Everyone noticd. FML

#537010
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86624) - you deserved it (18857)

On 03/22/2009 at 7:06pm - intimacy - by caughtontape - United States (Pennsylvania)



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