Today, I went to my girlfriend's and she was wearing some sexy lingerie. After making out passionately for 10 minutes, I started to undress myself, only to have her stop me, confessed that she still wasn't sexually attracted to me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

by ginny / 09/10/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

by wallflower / 09/10/2009 at 2:25am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, during foreplay, I was trying to be sexy. But instead I fell off the bed, landed in the laundry basket, and was attacked by the dog. FML

by Loveless / 09/10/2009 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me. FML

by Somessedup / 09/09/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

by Magnus_the_Red / 09/09/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, I was sitting on my boyfriends lap and we were hanging out, talking, and enjoying each other's company. Then he looked into my eyes and right when I thought he was going to kiss me, he said "I can feel your heartbeat on my dick." FML

by awkwardbf / 09/08/2009 at 9:26pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML

by TRAMATIZED / 09/08/2009 at 6:08pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2009 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2009 at 10:25am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

Today, trying to be sexy I was sucking on my boyfriends fingers. I was really starting to turn him on, when I noticed something crunchy in my mouth. Turns out, he went digging for treasure up his nose earlier. I found the treasure in my mouth. FML

by Porkchop05 / 09/06/2009 at 1:44am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

by LaurahLunatic / 09/05/2009 at 2:31am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting it on with my boyfriend in my dorm room. My roommate came in, despite the signal I had up on the door. She didn't leave. She got on her computer and started playing Solitaire. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2009 at 10:43pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy