Today, my boyfriend told me he always thought the female orgasm was an urban legend. FML

by 310 / 10/09/2009 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

by OnlyMe / 10/08/2009 at 11:29am / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

by JD / 10/08/2009 at 1:41am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my wife told me that the only reason she gets it on with me is for the extra calorie burn. FML

by fatnick / 10/07/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my roomate thought it would be funny to take pictures of my morning wood and put it up on Facebook for everyone to see. FML

by Crappit / 10/06/2009 at 9:53am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was hanging out with my boyfriend in his room, wearing his boxers. He told me this story about how one time he had diarrhea when he was stuck in traffic and had not choice but to poop himself. I asked him what prompted this story. He said I was wearing the boxers he pooped in. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2009 at 8:22pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML

by swedishguy / 10/05/2009 at 1:22pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend kept pressuring me to get it on. I told him I was self-conscious abut my stomach and didn't want him to see it. His response? My double chin doesn't keep him from kissing me. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2009 at 7:57am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

by masterfail / 10/04/2009 at 1:04am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé was performing oral on me, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. He confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

by ohnoooooo / 10/03/2009 at 6:29pm / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

by lauz / 10/03/2009 at 8:20am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy