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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I thought I was giving a woman the orgasm of a lifetime until I realized that she was telling me to stop pulling her hair. FML

#3826
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7695) - you deserved it (29667)

On 01/30/2009 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Hubris - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

#3435
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34490) - you deserved it (27576)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by GavinHosler - United States (Michigan)

Today, my nephew asked me how babies are made. I thought he'd had this chat with his mom, but I went in to it again. After a 20 minute 'discussion', he says "So what about the good stuff - get to the blowjobs and the lesbians." He's 11. FML

#3221
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23279) - you deserved it (2361)

On 01/28/2009 at 9:31pm - intimacy - by epistaxis - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

#3148
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18641) - you deserved it (2348)

On 01/28/2009 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by hgirl - United States (Maryland)

Today, I almost had an orgasm. Unfortunately, he had one first. FML

#3084
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46621) - you deserved it (6385)

On 01/28/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by karma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in bed next to the boy I loved, he had just came and passed out immediately afterwards. I reached over to look at my phone but grabbed his instead and saw a text message from his ex-girlfriend that read "I love you too." FML

#3029
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40631) - you deserved it (2996)

On 01/28/2009 at 10:12am - intimacy - by splooge - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

#2899
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27735) - you deserved it (8703)

On 01/27/2009 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by ottawaaa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally broke my two year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

#2792
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35403) - you deserved it (7258)

On 01/27/2009 at 7:47am - intimacy - by theguy24 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML

#2777
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15782) - you deserved it (18830)

On 01/27/2009 at 6:22am - intimacy - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the open toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

#2705
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26229) - you deserved it (6478)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:45pm - intimacy - by bad surprise - United States (New York)

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

#2696
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13728) - you deserved it (63264)

On 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm - intimacy - by Boredom - United States

Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML

#2565
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26638) - you deserved it (6792)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by God hates me - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking to my mom about my younger brother getting his girlfriend pregnant. She asked me how old I was when I first had sex. I'm a 21 year old virgin. FML

#2509
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34883) - you deserved it (4496)

On 01/25/2009 at 8:52am - intimacy - by aces10 - United States (Michigan)



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