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Today, I was about to get it on with a girl in the bathroom of my friend's house at a party. Just when things started getting heated, a pipe burst. Literally. There was water everywhere and everyone had to evacuate the building. I was cockblocked by poor plumbing. FML

#1048842
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67796) - you deserved it (11435)

On 04/17/2009 at 3:29am - intimacy - by RotoRooter (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

#1046980
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91049) - you deserved it (7409)

On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to babysit. I was told the parents would be gone when I arrived. I went and started playing with the kids. All of a sudden I heard a scream. I opened the parents' door with a knife in hand to find them having sex. I got paid so adults could get laid. While I was there. 6 ft. away. FML

#1043962
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58240) - you deserved it (3154)

On 04/17/2009 at 12:14am - intimacy - by babysitter (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

#1021502
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20246) - you deserved it (109805)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

#1017067
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73347) - you deserved it (32456)

On 04/16/2009 at 10:49am - intimacy - by nudesurprise (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I'd been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver. They drank too much and, on the way home, hooked up in the back seat. FML

#1014149
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99119) - you deserved it (15067)

On 04/16/2009 at 4:40am - intimacy - by sad_gay (man) - United States (California)

Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML

#981592
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95461) - you deserved it (39038)

On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

#966967
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70856) - you deserved it (25418)

On 04/14/2009 at 10:05am - intimacy - by Obee (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

#946704
294 comments

I agree, your life sucks (149197) - you deserved it (21713)

On 04/13/2009 at 9:44am - intimacy - by Hikara (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

#946038
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102026) - you deserved it (8786)

On 04/13/2009 at 8:07am - intimacy - by bodyelectric (woman) - United States

Today, I handed the keys to my Mustang to my mom so she could go car shopping. As she pulled away, I remembered the condom wrappers, sex toy packaging, and empty bottle of rum that was in the passenger's seat of my car. I'm twenty. FML

#945659
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13204) - you deserved it (75902)

On 04/13/2009 at 6:46am - intimacy - by jackass (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML

#921004
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19233) - you deserved it (89883)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:27am - intimacy - by anon13 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

#918397
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73144) - you deserved it (18961)

On 04/11/2009 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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