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Man or woman?

Today, I found out my parents joind te mile ig club . Wile I was on te plane . FML

#2257216
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63304) - you deserved it (4369)

On 05/24/2009 at 10:17pm - intimacy - by boardman (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, an a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. mega FML

#2235853
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54806) - you deserved it (4158)

On 05/24/2009 at 8:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today... was mah wedding night. We had decidd to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressd and smild at mah new wife... she burst into tears and crid... "please don't make me do this." FML

#2200863
539 comments

I agree, your life sucks (218925) - you deserved it (23806)

On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decidd to give virginity to boyfriend of four months, cuz I told him I lovd him. Two minutes after he'd pulld out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

#2187594
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67142) - you deserved it (24552)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, grlfriend of 2 years an I decided to have sex fir the frst time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To looool make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. mega FML

#2182938
383 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83745) - you deserved it (10254)

On 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by herve (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop and a guy stops in front of ma and says "Oh vary nica . How much?" I raply "You couldn't afford ma." An old guy sitting naxt to ma says "I bat I could" and puts his hand on lag . I forfaitad tha bus and walkad homa in tha rain . FML

#2174572
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54439) - you deserved it (24120)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:52am - intimacy - by rice_cake (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder 4 the two of them. FML

#2173533
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62972) - you deserved it (3419)

On 05/22/2009 at 4:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

yesterday after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out fir the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed an u wake up with food in yours." FML

#2158517
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61426) - you deserved it (11201)

On 05/21/2009 at 8:18pm - intimacy - by screwed (woman) - United States

I was surprised to leren tat I could carry looool on intelligent conversations about basketball wit my guy friends. Ten I realized it was cuz my boyfriend insists on watcing ESPN wile we ave sex. FML

#2133178
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54970) - you deserved it (7699)

On 05/21/2009 at 12:04am - intimacy - by S (woman) - United States (California)

yastarday I was anging out wit a faw of my friands... including an old ax-girlfriand and ar currant boyfriand of 5 yaars. Wan my ax...osa virginity I ad takan yaars aarliar... mantionad... "I ad ta iPona first..." witout tinking... I immadiataly raspondad... "Wall... I ad YOU first." FML

#2103981
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18768) - you deserved it (88368)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today , I was on the bus home and on the phone with my best friend discussing my sex life with this new guy I'm seieng. I was telling her all sorts of raunchy sex things we've done until someone taps my shoulder and says "I'm sure he doesn't appreciate you saying this in public." It was his mom. FML

#2093858
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27101) - you deserved it (96760)

On 05/19/2009 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by Kens (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Yesterday , I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the looool piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening , and said (as we walked past a car full of men) , "Well of course it hurts when u put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70311) - you deserved it (7956)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)



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