Today, I noticed the woman I've been sleeping with for over 2 years never lets me see her naked during sex. I confronted her about it and she replied, "I don't care if you see me naked. I was just leaving the lights off the whole time so I don't have to see you naked." FML

by audied / 01/04/2010 at 4:26pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2010 at 10:49am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

by sore / 01/04/2010 at 6:30am / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML

by december2009 / 01/03/2010 at 10:41pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

by grounded / 01/03/2010 at 11:40am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy

Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

by stillavirgin / 01/03/2010 at 2:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

by xxxzzzooo / 01/02/2010 at 12:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

by uhhggggg / 01/02/2010 at 12:16pm / Intimacy

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

by Lonely / 01/02/2010 at 5:30am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

by Lisa / 01/02/2010 at 2:02am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

by Lovergirl / 01/01/2010 at 3:23pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

by FavreFan99 / 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

by welted / 01/01/2010 at 12:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy