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Man or woman?

Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We where having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML

#5528599
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29969) - you deserved it (6241)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by namhtor (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was feeling really horny. I decided to send dirty texts to my girlfriend. I sent the first and she didn't reply, so I sent more and more and then I got one back saying 'Stay away from my little girl.' FML

#5522380
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8352) - you deserved it (27412)

On 09/28/2009 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Oops54321 (man) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

#5518308
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27286) - you deserved it (3477)

On 09/27/2009 at 11:16pm - intimacy - by NiHao (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch, he looked down at my chest and said "I can't wait for the day that these produce milk." We've only been dating a few months and I have no intention of lactating anytime soon. FML

#5509745
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22415) - you deserved it (2815)

On 09/27/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by e11ie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

#5502939
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20984) - you deserved it (1747)

On 09/27/2009 at 8:52am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright, with all there sex toys in it. FML

#5464453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19393) - you deserved it (5738)

On 09/25/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by R-R-R-Ray (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21880) - you deserved it (2974)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

#5460176
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6597) - you deserved it (22034)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Dumbfuck (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML

#5449988
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26630) - you deserved it (2312)

On 09/24/2009 at 4:57pm - intimacy - by Madison43097 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I surprised my girlfriend with U2 tickets. Still no action. FML

#5441103
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13770) - you deserved it (30273)

On 09/24/2009 at 12:30am - intimacy - by loveless (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got it on for the first time with a guy I've been dating. He had to turn the TV up loud so that his mom couldn't hear anything. I'm 20 years old and I lost my virginity with Disney Channel blaring in the background. FML

#5434150
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12649) - you deserved it (19254)

On 09/23/2009 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by seriouslystupid (woman) - United States

Today, I found a video camera behind a plant in my bedroom. My husband uses it to video tape himself having sex, with another woman. FML

#5429475
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36973) - you deserved it (2318)

On 09/23/2009 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. We haven't seen each other for a while so for a surprise, a few days ago, I decided to shave my pubic hair. I've come up in a huge rash that looks like some sort of infection. Not quite the sexy surprise I was hoping for. FML

#5424386
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18497) - you deserved it (6093)

On 09/23/2009 at 6:43am - intimacy - by fuzzy (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)



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