Today, I found out that my neighbor gets more pleasure out of me and my husband having it off then I do. FML

by noosher0990 / 02/17/2010 at 7:30pm / Intimacy

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

by thatssickkk / 02/17/2010 at 1:40am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

by tacolove69 / 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

by sadsexer23 / 02/15/2010 at 10:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2010 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2010 at 5:02am / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Intimacy

Today, I made heart shaped cookies for my girlfriend. My mom's reaction? "They look like dicks." FML

by adam / 02/14/2010 at 9:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2010 at 8:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML

by klsdhjla / 02/14/2010 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend wanted to have Valentine's Day sex. He then remembered it was unlimited pancakes at IHOP. FML

by DallasGal / 02/14/2010 at 11:31am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. The reason? She slept with four men while I was two weeks away visiting my brother. She told me it was because she missed me so much. FML

by CheatedOn / 02/14/2010 at 10:19am / Romania (Cluj) / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I were role playing to keep our marriage alive. His character was a deranged stalker while I was the helpless girl. My neighbor thought I was really being chased so she called the cops. Once they came we explained the whole story and got a fine for disturbing the peace. FML

by whathef???? / 02/13/2010 at 1:51am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, my long-distance boyfriend told me that he was going to pee on me to "mark his territory." When I told him that it was disgusting, he said, "last time, I just peed on you in the shower." FML

by rashree / 02/12/2010 at 8:34pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy