Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML

by syl / 02/11/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

by CatWoman / 02/11/2010 at 12:33am / United States (District of Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Its was pretty good and heavy and she was moaning nicely. Then her moans got softer and softer and then nothing. She fell asleep. FML

by ryan / 02/10/2010 at 10:08am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my dad got a hard-on looking at my best friend. He asked me how my NutriSystem diet was going. He was looking at my friend's boobs when he asked me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2010 at 7:23am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend of 11 months told me that she's been faking her orgasms the whole time. Just to make me "proud" of myself. FML

by evecamp / 02/10/2010 at 12:09am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2010 at 7:56pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

by unsatisfied / 02/08/2010 at 10:33pm / Intimacy

Today, my parents told me I was conceived at Disneyworld. Monday, I take a class trip to Disneyworld. My friends will be having fun and all I'll be able to think about is my parents having sex. FML

by Mike / 02/07/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I heard that there's a rumour going around that I was caught masturbating while crying at a party after the girl I liked got with someone else. FML

by anon / 02/06/2010 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML

by Sully / 02/06/2010 at 7:17pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I started a new job, it was going well until I was asked to stand up and be introduced to a company director. I had a hard on. FML

by Bacular / 02/06/2010 at 4:29am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

by Isabell / 02/06/2010 at 12:31am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I found out why my boyfriend wouldn't answer his phone last night. He was hanging out with our mutual friend all night. She had been texting me all night about what great sex she was having. My boyfriend was the only person there besides her brother. FML

by michelle / 02/05/2010 at 2:01pm / Intimacy