Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

by sad / 02/26/2010 at 2:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

by hannah12345 / 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm / Intimacy

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

by Ineedit / 02/26/2010 at 12:46pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I bought Plan B for the first time. Not because I had unprotected sex, but to make the cashier think someone would actually sleep with me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2010 at 6:11am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time.Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

by humiliated / 02/26/2010 at 5:21am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

by Katrina641 / 02/25/2010 at 11:20pm / Intimacy

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year old boyfriend having sex. FML

by ryan and Zack / 02/25/2010 at 5:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I was bored at work looking at a sex offender list of my area. After a couple pages, I saw my uncle. FML

by grossuncle / 02/25/2010 at 12:44pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML

by Username / 02/24/2010 at 10:06am / Intimacy

Today, before my date came to pick me up, I put tissues under my arms so I wouldn't leave wet marks. I forgot to remove them, and when we got physical, they fell out, looking like I'd stuffed my bra. FML

by kiki / 02/24/2010 at 12:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

by anonymous / 02/24/2010 at 12:05am / United States (Montana) / Intimacy

Today, I drunkenly hooked up with my friend's cousin. After trying to stick his finger up my butt, he blacked out on top of me with his penis still hard inside me. I tried yelling his name and pushing him off, with no success. I ended up having to call my friend to help me. FML

by lendahandmanda / 02/23/2010 at 7:01pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Too bad he has never once made me orgasm in the two and a half years we've been together. FML

by jasmine / 02/23/2010 at 11:48am / United States / Intimacy