Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2010 at 7:22pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

by mperrotta913 / 05/21/2010 at 11:46am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML

by Chichensoup / 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he started pretending he was a dog. This included barking, licking my face, and scratching his ears. FML

by kjdhfakjs / 05/20/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, the guy I'm seeing and I were having sex. While I was having my orgasm, he looked at me and said "SHHHH!". FML

by evelynn / 05/20/2010 at 2:25am / Intimacy

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

by GrossedOutKary / 05/19/2010 at 3:20pm / Puerto Rico / Intimacy

Today, while me and my boyfriend were having sex, he moaned out his own name. FML

by during / 05/19/2010 at 8:12am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me through Skype, with the message "my penis wants more, but my heart and mind don't want to hurt you." FML

by justsingle / 05/11/2010 at 4:56am / Philippines / Intimacy

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2010 at 12:29pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that going back on birth control has made my acne go away and my boobs bigger. However, to my boyfriend's dismay, I've completely lost my sex drive. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML

by imustbegay / 05/09/2010 at 10:20am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

by izzie / 05/09/2010 at 10:15am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy

Today, my family and I went to the mall. We all split up in a department store to shop for our own clothes. While shopping, I caught my dad feeling up a mannequin in the back corner of the store. FML

by notmydad. / 05/08/2010 at 6:07am / Philippines (Manila) / Intimacy