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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

#6687460
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17576) - you deserved it (3867)

On 12/09/2009 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML

#6680888
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20760) - you deserved it (2035)

On 12/09/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by aawkward... (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I woke up in my best guy friend's bed to the sound of him jerking off. As I laid there motionless with my back to him, he reached around me to grab a tissue. I don't think I can ever speak to him again. FML

#6676757
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21150) - you deserved it (4227)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:20am - intimacy - by dfkjhregoiuberiug (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

#6665915
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22916) - you deserved it (2986)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by umm - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on a stationary bike at the gym. I got into a conversation with a very attractive female gym-friend. I felt something cool "down below". I looked down and saw one of my testicles had sneaked out of a hole in my shorts, I quickly looked up only to see her staring at the same thing. FML

#6665165
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22807) - you deserved it (4781)

On 12/08/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by fatguyinalittlecoat (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my neighbor has been watching my husband and I have sex for the 2 years we've been married. He slaps his sausage and smokes 5 cigarettes while he watches. FML

#6656855
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19749) - you deserved it (4978)

On 12/07/2009 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by niquey62307 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a friend of mine and I were talking about how hygienic we are. She mentioned she hadn't shaved her downstairs in a while. I was looking at the computer when she said this so when I turned to look at her I saw she had pulled down her pants and underwear. I was face to face with hairy muff. FML

#6646693
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20665) - you deserved it (3547)

On 12/07/2009 at 4:30am - intimacy - by roxyriley - United States (Arizona)

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

#6635616
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25407) - you deserved it (9924)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm - intimacy - by Ballhugger (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try cybersex, because we rarely see each other these days. We only used text. Halfway through, I noticed that she started being more demanding. As it turns out, my girlfriend had left the room and her older brother had walked in and taken over. FML

#6613965
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12680) - you deserved it (15224)

On 12/05/2009 at 9:19am - intimacy - by Anon - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend telling me how much I wore him out the night before, from all the sex we were having. We had sex for two minutes. FML

#6612608
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22128) - you deserved it (2837)

On 12/05/2009 at 4:07am - intimacy - by lastalittlelonger (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

#6604367
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21233) - you deserved it (2000)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I tried to send my boyfriend a sexy picture. I took a close up picture of my face, and, trying to be sexy, had my naked body reflected on a mirror in the background. First thing he says: "Who the hell is that guy in the background?" FML

#6596856
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20611) - you deserved it (6123)

On 12/04/2009 at 7:48am - intimacy - by Not-so-sexy - United States (Washington)

Today, I fainted for the first time in my life. I was in the shower. With my girlfriend. Apparently, my brain and my erection had a battle for who got the most blood, and my erection won. FML

#6583595
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22423) - you deserved it (3187)

On 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm - intimacy - by Silent - United Kingdom (Hampshire)



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