Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend of 3 years in his living room when a girl barges in, sees us, and screams "I knew it!" then rushes out. My boyfriend gets up, grabs his pants and while chasing after her yells "baby she's nothing, you know I only love you!" FML

by anonymous / 04/07/2010 at 12:21am / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

by BluBaller / 04/06/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I came back from a week long class trip. My mother took it upon herself to replace my bed sheets and clean my room. Apparently, she found a note under my mattress from my ex-boyfriend. It said "For all you future dudes, Connor was here first!" FML

by FASHlONABLE / 04/05/2010 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML

by Hate2Date / 04/05/2010 at 1:14am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend told me that I think too much during sex. Now the only thing I can think about is how much I'm thinking too much. FML

by kmang33 / 04/02/2010 at 7:24am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

by darthmilfious / 03/31/2010 at 3:56am / Intimacy

Today, I took pills to make sure I lasted longer with my girlfriend. Good news? It worked fine and is still working now. Bad news? We've been done for a good two hours. FML

by imsorrylove / 03/31/2010 at 12:44am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out that I made inappropriate sexual comments to my boss while I was drunk on Saturday night. She won't tell me what I said. She just laughs when she sees me. FML

by GonnaGetFired / 03/30/2010 at 8:11pm / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend. His best friend called and said he just beat God Of War 3 and that my boyfriend could borrow it. He got up, got dressed, ran to his car and told me I could walk home. FML

by xxlexi_lovexx / 03/29/2010 at 12:20am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, I got dumped because I was on my period. Apparently he was pissed because I have one "like, every single month." FML

by drsyl54 / 03/28/2010 at 5:04am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I waked in on my boyfriend and his best friend playing "Dick Wars" while wearing glow in the dark condoms. FML

by pumpkinlover89 / 03/27/2010 at 4:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

by Haley. / 03/26/2010 at 7:58pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

by d / 03/26/2010 at 3:31am / United States / Intimacy