Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

#6287629
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22592) - you deserved it (4500)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by thelistman (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

#6283712
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21596) - you deserved it (1888)

On 11/13/2009 at 2:04am - intimacy - by butch - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend told me that every time he has sex with me he thinks about some mutant bunny chick from "Final Fantasy." FML

#6268793
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21950) - you deserved it (3754)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that my mother cheated on my father. It turns out she had a drunken one night stand with the manager of the restaurant that my parents own and that I work at. The same manager I have been secretly sleeping with for over six months. FML

#6268491
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26705) - you deserved it (9394)

On 11/12/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

#6248749
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6306) - you deserved it (53874)

On 11/10/2009 at 8:52pm - intimacy - by prayforme (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

#6241352
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8141) - you deserved it (26559)

On 11/10/2009 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Volume_control (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in his bed watching football when it went to commercial. He started kissing my neck and trying to get me turned on. Then I remembered we'd be going to visit his mom soon, where we'd be playing Wii. That thought turned me on more than my boyfriend did. FML

#6239894
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8325) - you deserved it (19655)

On 11/10/2009 at 4:09am - intimacy - by vanessa_d15 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was having an intimate moment with my detachable showerhead. I opened my eyes to find my husband of 4 months looking down on me. The only thing he said was, 'You too?' FML

#6223689
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7722) - you deserved it (20358)

On 11/09/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by ShowerheadGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got home from a small vacation. Before I left, I set up cameras in my room to see if my roommate was stealing my money. Turns out she wasn't. However, she does borrow my personal "adult toy" whenever I'm out. FML

#6213926
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22944) - you deserved it (3567)

On 11/08/2009 at 4:11pm - intimacy - by grossedout (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

#6211757
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20067) - you deserved it (2993)

On 11/08/2009 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by peacexout108 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was me and my husband's anniversary. He was at work, so I decided to dress up "sexy". You know, the typical lacey thong and fishnets. I heard the door open, and what I thought was him was actually my brother who'd visited to wish me a happy anniversary. FML

#6199211
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19182) - you deserved it (5099)

On 11/07/2009 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by sexysue (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

#6194907
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19524) - you deserved it (2073)

On 11/07/2009 at 11:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I dyed my hair blonde for my boyfriend, hoping it would help spice up our sex life. His response? It's still a few shades off from his favorite porn star. FML

#6193403
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21369) - you deserved it (4718)

On 11/07/2009 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Blondegirl (woman) - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: