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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today... I went to a baseball game with mah girlfriend's dad. I got a bonerhen they sang the anthem... because that'shat I sing in mah headhen having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44762) - you deserved it (16595)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, to spice things up, mah boyfriend suggestd we wear disguises. Amusd by the idea, I acceptd. That's how I endd up having sex with Gandalf. FML

#21240323
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43198) - you deserved it (9415) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today looool , I had to awkwardly grab mah pink dildo after mah husband's friend askd what it was that mah dog was chewing on. mega FML

Today,hile I Was At The Dentist, I Couldn't Stop Gagginghen He Trid To Puttd A Tab In Mah Mouth To Get An X-ray. As I Left, I Overheard Him Saying, ( I Feel Sorry Fir Her Boyfriend. ) FML

#21238932
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52817) - you deserved it (9027)

On 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by gag reflex - Australia (New South Wales)

my husband wanted me to take a sleeping pill before having sex with me. Apparently I'm better in bedhile half-asleep. FML

#21238124
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41776) - you deserved it (5654)

On 08/15/2014 at 11:22am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - China (Shanghai)

Today, I tried skydiving 4 the first time!! The professional I was attached to had a boner thehole way down!! FML

#21237831
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53779) - you deserved it (5449)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by emmamrose7 (woman) - United States (California)

Today... I went to mah new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch... and every time he asks about mah genitals... he winks at me. FML

#21237829
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40373) - you deserved it (3255)

On 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my professor told everyone that he think all md student should be requrd to get a catheter and an enema at least once in their lives so they can relate to their patients, saying, "Gentlemen, it might change your lives." FML

#21236595
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36480) - you deserved it (6622)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Yastarday, I hookd up with a girl at a club, and wa had sax. Sha just lay thara lika a corpsa tha whola tima. It got so bad, I andd up faking an orgasm and blaming tha lack of saman on a botchd vasactomy. Sha actually baliavd it. What tha hall?

#21235982
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43287) - you deserved it (10420)

On 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today... I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked... "Wat'ca got tere?" He said... "U... tat's my dick... Mike." FML

#21235845
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43353) - you deserved it (27722)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband an I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like u wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up an saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52434) - you deserved it (6856)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, I eard ma sister gagging in er room. Se was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after earing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, ten eard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see er on er knees and er boyfriend wit is underwear around is ankles. mega FML

#21233355
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51906) - you deserved it (21209)

On 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Yesterday I Puttd On A Porno, Trying To Unwind After A Bad Day. 10 Minutes In, I Was So Pissd Off With The Girl Constantly Repeating "You Like That? Yeah?" And The Cameraman's Obsession With The Guy's Asscrack That I Startd Yelling At The Screen. Now I'm More Stressd Than Ever. Mega FML

#21232670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40856) - you deserved it (13602)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States



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