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Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

#20905202
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43767) - you deserved it (4850)

On 10/02/2013 at 9:18pm - intimacy - by Sooz (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried turning on my boyfriend by sending him naughty pictures and texts, describing in detail all the things I was going to do to him when we have the house to ourselves this weekend. He responded by quoting that crappy movie 'The Room', saying, "Oh hi doggie!" FML

#20904281
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31530) - you deserved it (4766)

On 10/02/2013 at 1:47am - intimacy - by fed up/turned off - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called me a selfish bitch and dumped me after I told him I'm planning on getting much-needed breast reduction surgery. FML

#20903440
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51771) - you deserved it (11286)

On 10/01/2013 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Ggirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sex-crazed ex wrote me a letter so bad, it haunts me that I let a guy with such terrible grammar skills touch my boobs. FML

#20903082
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37863) - you deserved it (9363)

On 10/01/2013 at 6:47am - intimacy - by whatdoesitmatter (woman) - India (Tamil Nadu)

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

#20902324
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35025) - you deserved it (8104)

On 09/30/2013 at 6:41pm - intimacy - by A.Summers (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML

#20900698
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54960) - you deserved it (22588)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by -___- (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner and have to leave in shame. FML

#20899471
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55730) - you deserved it (6236)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by :( (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

#20898893
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50582) - you deserved it (31862)

On 09/28/2013 at 7:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

#20895842
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48145) - you deserved it (5860)

On 09/25/2013 at 5:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boyfriend about his views on personal growth. He replied, "What, you mean dick size?" FML

#20895521
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36036) - you deserved it (7525)

On 09/25/2013 at 10:42am - intimacy - by what (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

#20894419
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44528) - you deserved it (3559)

On 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm - intimacy - by Craigslist is Evil. - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

#20893002
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54364) - you deserved it (4274)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend got out of the shower and tried to hit my forehead with his penis. He slipped and slapped me in the eye with it. FML

#20891019
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43117) - you deserved it (8128)

On 09/22/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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