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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

#21394468
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30581) - you deserved it (4845)

On 04/16/2015 at 1:04am - intimacy - by Evra (woman) - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

#21393386
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29431) - you deserved it (3216)

On 04/14/2015 at 4:33am - intimacy - by Lebac - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

#21393183
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27689) - you deserved it (2802)

On 04/13/2015 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

#21392745
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28304) - you deserved it (3008)

On 04/13/2015 at 1:35am - intimacy - by bigmouthedmommy - United States (California)

Today, the only way I can get my boyfriend to do anything is by telling him it's a turn on. FML

#21392608
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26081) - you deserved it (3383)

On 04/12/2015 at 9:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

#21392355
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28842) - you deserved it (6153)

On 04/12/2015 at 1:00pm - intimacy - by left, I guess (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, while walking down the street, a cute guy approached me. We ended up having some drinks then heading back to his place and hooked up. Afterwards, I used the bathroom, and when I came out, he was going through his wallet and asked me how much he owed me. FML

#21391926
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30709) - you deserved it (9337)

On 04/11/2015 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, for the first time in my life, a girl showed interest in me. She sent me a text message saying she wanted to come over and fuck my brains out. This would've made me the happiest guy alive, if only she weren't my extremely drunk sister. FML

#21391907
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32166) - you deserved it (2587)

On 04/11/2015 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

#21390086
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26920) - you deserved it (6954)

On 04/08/2015 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by righthook - United States

Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML

#21390007
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34612) - you deserved it (3625)

On 04/08/2015 at 1:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

#21389410
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27560) - you deserved it (3352)

On 04/07/2015 at 5:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I visited my sick grandpa for a few hours in the hospital. His roommate, also an elderly man, wouldn't stop masturbating. FML

#21388711
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29971) - you deserved it (1858)

On 04/06/2015 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by therewasnocurtain - United States (Idaho)

Today, I saw one one of my cat's hairs on my sweatpants and wanted to remove it. It wasn't a cat hair, but a pubic hair that has found its way through my panties and sweatpants while being still attached to me. FML



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