Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

by really / 05/21/2016 at 10:23pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, even though my boyfriend knew that I was a devout catholic before he asked me on a date, he's pissed that I keep refusing to have sex. Apparently, he thought I was just playing hard to get and that I would eventually drop my panties like all the other slutty "religious" girls he claims to have fucked. FML

by Bethany / 05/20/2016 at 3:31pm / Germany / Intimacy

Today, my brother walked in on me jerking off. I managed to close the porn tab, at least, only to end up on my mom's Facebook profile. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 12:59pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I had a mini heart attack as my dad stopped in the middle of the street and said, "I wonder what'd happen if I just dropped my pants right now and started jerking it in front of all these motherfuckers." FML

by dad, please / 05/16/2016 at 1:37am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML

by unboned / 05/11/2016 at 1:30pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I realized why my dad got mad when he found out that my girlfriend and I have sex. Turns out he's jealous because he thinks she's hot, and wishes he was the one sleeping with her. FML

by seriouslydad / 05/08/2016 at 9:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my wife wanted to have a threesome. During our honeymoon. With the maid of honor. I didn't sign up for this. FML

by JustMarried / 05/07/2016 at 5:47pm / Ukraine / Intimacy

Today, a woman rear-ended my car. She's trying to sue me for 'emotional damage'. FML

by jameen / 05/07/2016 at 7:48am / United Kingdom (West Berkshire) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

by Anonymous / 05/06/2016 at 9:40pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

by Anon. / 05/05/2016 at 5:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, after a 14-mile bike tour in Chicago, I got rug burn on my inner thighs. Having the hostel room all by myself for the last couple of days, I got naked and let the air conditioner cool me off. I then had to explain to my roommate that walked in on me that I seriously was not jerking off. FML

by ImilkedYourMom / 05/03/2016 at 9:31am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

by oh gee / 05/02/2016 at 1:01am / Intimacy

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

by Mrmz07 / 05/01/2016 at 5:32am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy