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Man or woman?

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

#21456687
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25978) - you deserved it (2828)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, it's been 2 days since my boyfriend "accidentally" slipped into the wrong hole while continuing to hammer me at full speed. I still can't poop or even walk right. FML

#21456278
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29403) - you deserved it (3563)

On 08/15/2015 at 5:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I had any kinks, so I told him all about them. He was actually mad because I didn't have the same 'sexy kinks' the girls in porn have. FML

#21456100
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22949) - you deserved it (1810)

On 08/14/2015 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by maybe if i was paid like them i would (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a woman who works in the clinic across the road told me that my glass isn't frosted enough and she and all her patients can see me when I shower. FML

#21455668
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20929) - you deserved it (2550)

On 08/13/2015 at 5:10pm - intimacy - by theflasher (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, and he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do. I said I wanted him to make me scream and cum. To which he replied, "Okay, be realistic now". FML

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, I pushed all the way in. She said, "Stop teasing me, put everything in." FML

#21454970
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33793) - you deserved it (3654)

On 08/11/2015 at 10:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, my current boyfriend was so impressed by my blowjob abilities he sent my ex-boyfriend a message saying thanks. FML

#21454601
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26254) - you deserved it (5133)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

#21454592
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21044) - you deserved it (1574)

On 08/11/2015 at 12:20am - intimacy - by yamaha_313 - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend said she would give my penis a name: Gonzales. I asked why she wanted to name it that, and she said, "Because he's Speedy." FML

#21453197
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22146) - you deserved it (4604)

On 08/07/2015 at 3:47pm - intimacy - by Gonzales (man) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

#21453082
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21925) - you deserved it (5296)

On 08/07/2015 at 8:51am - intimacy - by horsefuck (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

#21452951
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23974) - you deserved it (2865)

On 08/06/2015 at 10:55pm - intimacy - by Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after ranting to my best friend about how all our friends are having kids and how teenage pregnancy will ruin their lives, she announced to me that she's pregnant. FML

#21452790
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24530) - you deserved it (5799)

On 08/06/2015 at 3:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend got upset that I wouldn't give him head. He was visiting me at the hospital. FML

#21452283
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27260) - you deserved it (2258)

On 08/05/2015 at 2:58pm - intimacy - by TheIVkindaruinsthemood (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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