Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because...

By Anonymous - 24/03/2009 10:41 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over for dinner, but couldn't eat because he had just gotten his tongue pierced. My grandpa heard this, winked at my boyfriend and said "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." My super protective father was sitting right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 934

You deserved it 9 580

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Same thing different taste

Not now!

By XxDiabolikalXx - 24/08/2010 07:30 - France

Today, while having dinner, my boyfriend decided to tell everyone about our sex life. It wouldn't have been too bad except my father was sitting right next to me. My boyfriend's excuse was that he wanted to make my dad laugh. He didn't laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 4 322

By quit fucking up my life - 23/11/2013 01:08 - United States - Kenai

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 649

You deserved it 4 912

By perfectman - 12/06/2012 10:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 294

You deserved it 8 367

Love and threats

By soontobedumped - 15/01/2012 19:26 - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 868

You deserved it 4 876

By coffee_princess - 22/07/2010 23:14 - Canada

Today, my father made his bellybutton talk. In front of my new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 937

You deserved it 4 462

Good question

By epictothemax - 10/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went home for my grandma's 95th birthday. While there she noticed my new tongue stud and asked why I would get it done. Before I could reply, my cousin said, "So she can can make the boys happier when she's sucking on them." She's 9 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 115

You deserved it 13 173

Meet the family

By OhMeGerd - 05/10/2012 14:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 478

You deserved it 29 001

By notsoclean - 24/12/2010 21:14 - United States

Today, I was at the dentist's, getting my teeth cleaned. He thought it would be funny to suddenly go on in detail about the fantastic sex he and his wife had the night before. I was unable to speak the entire time. The dentist is my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 463

You deserved it 3 694

Will you…

By why - 17/08/2013 14:18 - United States - Lexington

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 541

You deserved it 7 388

By moonstone15 - 06/08/2011 00:24 - United States

Today, I took my new boyfriend to a family dinner. Despite having made everyone agree to be on their best behavior, my grandma spewed obscenities such as "fuck me sideways, aren't you a catch?" and "you just can't pull ass like that at my age" throughout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 212

You deserved it 4 244

tehhotness 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

Your grandpa rules

McZeal 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:24

grandpa's a pimp

Comments

Jasper_fml 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

rawrlily 0

Tuesday 14 June 2011 4:29

Nah, they're awesome.

DarksideDoll 31

Monday 19 May 2014 18:59

Awesome grandpa is awesome.

Benpie 22

Wednesday 17 February 2016 20:56

69 dislikes

neonoodle 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

If it was my grandpa, he would've called your boyfriend gay.

lolx7 5

Wednesday 27 April 2011 2:09

yeah really! I mean personally I would be peeing myself with laughter

tehhotness 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

Your grandpa rules

Adrian66_fml 0

Wednesday 31 March 2010 5:44

Grandpa WIN!!!!

kiltsaresexy 4

Monday 3 May 2010 9:16

I agree. That is the coolest line from a grandpa ever.

wiggz1990 0

Tuesday 25 May 2010 16:24

awesome grandpa ,,, but sorry about ur dad

Erinx3 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

Oh, my God. Hahaha. That would've been me. I hope your father knows it's a joke (Well, for his sake. ;) )

JackTheRipper_fml 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:11

atleast your grandpa has a great sense of humor

gregthestrange 3

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:16

hehehe

ghadir 2

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:19

wait i dont get it...can someone explain that...?

titanic12beth 0

Saturday 2 October 2010 21:16

ever heard the phrase "eating someone out"?

Anonymus101 4

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:20

Now her father is going to be following her all around for the next few weeks. This is definitely a FML.

victimofchanges 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 20:20

Today my daughter invited her boyfriend over to dinner, but due to a recent tongue piercing he was unable to eat anything. Upon hearing this my father said to her boyfriend, "Can't eat now, but I bet that's all you'll be doing in a few weeks..." when I confronted him about it later all he had to say was "At least she won't get pregnant!" FML