Sex, Pranks, Awkward, Painful and Intimacy: That sucks - FML

That sucks

By funnyERstory - 23/11/2016 04:31 - United States - Houston

Spicy

Today, I got my dick sucked. Unfortunately, it was by the vacuum nozzle my cousin stuck down my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 963

You deserved it 1 553

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Same thing different taste

Whatever floats your boat

By RainbowD4PowerNozzle - 02/01/2023 21:00

Spicy

Today, while cleaning my vehicle at the car wash, the vacuum cleaner found a new purpose. As I twisted around, the mouth of the hose made its way down to my crotch and latched on. It definitely wasn’t painful, but I’ve now been sucked off by a vacuum. Best yet weirdest blow job ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 1 253

By Anonymous - 29/08/2015 23:01 - United States - Parkersburg

Spicy

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 691

You deserved it 3 064

Poor Henry

By SierraCheyenne - 26/03/2020 23:09 - United States - Denver

Spicy

Today, I came home to my boyfriend standing in the living room with his dick in the vacuum cleaner hose. Instead of being embarrassed, he simply said, "The vacuum does it better." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 127

You deserved it 542

By Rumpkis - 05/12/2011 01:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I almost got a blowjob for the first time. Except I came before I even got in her mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 937

You deserved it 18 658

By Embarrassed - 06/12/2018 03:00

Spicy

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 6 124

Not a great start

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 00:00

Spicy

Today, barely 24 hours after we decided that yes, we were now boyfriend and girlfriend, I caught my “boyfriend” with his cock down my cousin's throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 180

And I oop

By AnxiousCucumber - 07/09/2016 20:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's dick got stuck in the wrong hole. And by wrong hole I mean the pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 384

You deserved it 2 184

Knock next time please

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 21:32 - India

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was about to suck his dick when my mom walked in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 755

By allalone - 14/07/2010 00:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 320

You deserved it 45 442

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 514

You deserved it 10 685

Next

Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:46

Did it work? I'm tired of paying hookers.

devinaww 15

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:52

Ohhh I cringed from reading that My vacuum has a very small nozzle...

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:46

Did it work? I'm tired of paying hookers.

132ikl 11

Thursday 24 November 2016 9:04

It'll rip your dick off

fargen 21

Tuesday 29 November 2016 20:48

best comment yet!

devinaww 15

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:52

Ohhh I cringed from reading that My vacuum has a very small nozzle...

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:57

Must ... resist ... obvious ... joke!

Thegoofygoober 15

Wednesday 23 November 2016 17:18

that's what the X chromosome said

GhostFox 33

Wednesday 23 November 2016 18:22

Fun Fact One: If they're human, they have at least one X chromosome. Fun Fact Two: Some men have more than one X chromosome, and some women have a Y chromosome. Some people have three or even more chromosomes, because biology does some unusual things sometimes. Fun Fact Three: There's around 2,000 genes on the X chromosome, whereas the Y chromosome has around 50-60 genes.

brownapple 22

Wednesday 23 November 2016 18:41

#13 thanks, bud

Jay18 22

Wednesday 23 November 2016 22:44

#15 you friendzoned the hell out of#13 R.I.P

stevenJB 25

Wednesday 23 November 2016 16:54

hey, a bj is a bj.

Warmonger_Smurf 29

Wednesday 23 November 2016 17:09

Alright officer Doofy, we believe you. It really was an accident.

BoxFullOfLazy 25

Friday 25 November 2016 21:21

I told you not to bother me while I'm cleaning my room!

Rodville 28

Monday 5 February 2018 4:08

*creepy smile* night Cindy

cnewton84 28

Wednesday 23 November 2016 17:16

Dude, that really sucks

GlennGuagmire 20

Wednesday 23 November 2016 17:18

Take revamps and put the nozzle on him lips while you're cousin is asleep

species4872 19

Wednesday 23 November 2016 17:20

You got sucked off by Hoover.

blu4yu 8

Wednesday 23 November 2016 17:30

there are soo many things wrong with that

noellebelle626 19

Wednesday 23 November 2016 17:32

I'm sorry but I laughed so hard at this. Lol but hey, at least you can say you got sucked lmao

SargeRho 6

Wednesday 23 November 2016 18:04

Look on the bright side: You got your dick sucked.

Keywords

Cute Love Music Gross Coworkers TMI Work Racism Customers Kids Scary Gamers Technology Geek Miscellaneous Neighbours DIY Relatable Social Media Ironic Awkward Cheating Sex Animals Health Insects Plumbing Money Insurance Farts

The Top

Today, I called my boss to ask if my paycheck had been deposited yet. He said no, that my grandmother came in to work and picked it up. Confused, I called her. She is holding it ransom until I start calling home every day. I do, but she gets so drunk, she doesn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 296

You deserved it 1 916

Today, I sat down and worked out I get paid £26000 a year for working 40 hours a week. Meanwhile my boss gets paid £115000 to answer emails when he remembers to and to attend 5 hours of mandatory meetings a month, which he now does over video chat from his vacation cottage in Scotland. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 103

The Top

Today, I arrived at the airport two and a half hours early because I was expecting it to be busy. The line was long but I had plenty of time, until a woman complained about a fee for checked bags. I was next in line, and still managed to miss my flight because the woman caused such a big scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 102

Today, I started packing up the flat I have been renting. As I took a picture off the wall I also ripped half the wallpaper. That's my deposit gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 625

You deserved it 1 671

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 354

You deserved it 7 411

Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truckstop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud, that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 118

Today, I locked my keys in my car. After spending 20 minutes on the phone with AAA, and then waiting a half hour, the guy showed up, he stuck his hand in the driver's side window and asked, "You couldn't just reach in?" I forgot I left the window open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 178

You deserved it 108 540

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 833

You deserved it 54 585