Intimacy: Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete... - FML

By titkip - 02/04/2016 00:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Spicy

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I'm too demanding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 759

You deserved it 9 563

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Same thing different taste

Help

By whyme - 08/12/2010 06:26

Today, feeling so depressed to the point of having suicidal thoughts, I texted a girl I had a crush on. Her response? "Can you please delete my number, you're getting annoying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 504

You deserved it 19 787

By SeeBrendenBurn - 21/11/2009 08:28 - United States

Today, I went to a rock concert and met this amazing girl. We started talking and then swapped cell numbers. Five minutes later, she asks to see my cellphone, so I gave it to her. Once I got home I went to text her and saw that she deleted her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 778

You deserved it 5 667

Good one, thanks

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 13:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to 70 new text messages and 100 calls, all from numbers I didn't know. The night before I got into a heated argument with my old best friend about who was prettier. She got mad and posted my number on Craigslist as a prostitute. Apparently I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 546

You deserved it 23 951

By vegeta - 24/12/2018 20:00

Today, I’ve been getting sexy messages from an unknown number. First I told her to stop multiple times, then I blocked her. I can only assume that she changed her number and managed to find me and message me again. My girlfriend saw the messages and told me flatly “It’s over.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 988

You deserved it 214

Not you

By Anonymous - 15/01/2012 06:24 - United States

Today, this girl I liked made her Facebook status "Nobody texts me anymore, message me numbers?" I commented that I texted her. She deleted it and changed it to "Nobody that I care about texts me anymore, message me numbers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 093

You deserved it 3 993

Party animal

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 16:58

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 1 286

By anthony - 25/11/2015 12:32 - Luxembourg

Today, a cute girl I know in passing approached me very nervously and blushing like mad. She gave me a note with a number on it, said to call her, then ran away. When I called the number later, it was one of those rejection hotlines. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 232

You deserved it 1 874

By anonymous - 22/11/2009 20:23 - United States

Today, I got a text from a woman containing many naked pictures of her. Apparently she meant to send those to her boyfriend whose number is one digit from mine. The bad part? My girlfriend was using my phone when I received that message. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 624

You deserved it 2 978

New saying just dropped

By Evan - 10/10/2022 15:30 - United States

Today, my new girlfriend demanded that I delete all my female friends' numbers. Her rationale is, “When them bitches are going through some shit, a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.” When I refused, she promptly dumped me because she doesn’t "need a potential cheater” in her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 197

By Nykole McAllister - 15/09/2018 17:30 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was talking to a nice guy on a dating app and we exchanged numbers. Later, I got a call. It was his wife asking me to stop talking to her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 096

You deserved it 276

Next

Top comments

Welshite 39

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:49

Maybe you shouldn't ask call girls to slather themselves in mayonnaise and hop on one leg while hooting like an owl.

tranced_ 45

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:53

This FML has so many issues !

Comments

Welshite 39

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:49

Maybe you shouldn't ask call girls to slather themselves in mayonnaise and hop on one leg while hooting like an owl.

krazy789 28

Saturday 2 April 2016 16:39

But that's the best though

Welshite 39

Saturday 2 April 2016 16:47

I've been blacklisted by most call girls at this point. The mayonnaise is my favorite too. It's what I get for misunderstanding "condoms" as "condiments".

PhoenixChick 26

Saturday 2 April 2016 20:11

Try switching to Miracle Whip. A call girl just isn't a call girl without the tangy zip of miracle whip! I need therapy.

IamHM 14

Saturday 2 April 2016 22:43

Best. comment. ever! In ANY context.

juggalo2 20

Sunday 3 April 2016 2:47

Who is in to that? Who???

tranced_ 45

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:53

This FML has so many issues !

trulypar 34

Saturday 2 April 2016 14:55

I guess now she's a "no call" girl.

Nyattack 14

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:08

Wow... I'm wondering what kind of person you must be.

Dick_diamond 22

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:10

You need help, dude..

stingray112 24

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:19

It's rlly weird how u say "a girl" and not "my friend" or something

robbiemad 7

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:33

You need to google CALL GIRL

domolovesyoshi 33

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:51

Do you not know what a CALL GIRL is?

joeyl2008 29

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:54

A "call girl" is a hooker.

nwwaverider 14

Saturday 2 April 2016 18:21

No call girls are not hookers, hookers a cheaper usually around $5 to 50 bucks depends on the amount of stds and the last time she has showered call girls on the other hand are classy legal and cost a lot more and don't give as good of bj's because of all the teeth.

stingray112 24

Saturday 2 April 2016 19:44

Yeah my b I didn't see the call the first time I read it. Makes better Sense now thanks

lulinator 40

Saturday 2 April 2016 22:15

#25. Best description ever.

ulissey_fml 22

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:34

This gives **** blocked quite a new meaning...

rosha267 21

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:35

Consider this your wake up call

PrincessZelda_HR 22

Sunday 3 April 2016 4:49

More of a wake up lack-of-call.

themermaid_a 14

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:36

Is there some backstory that I'm missing with this?

CogadhTallon 16

Saturday 2 April 2016 17:20

Dropped by a call girl. I think it's safe to play "fill in the blank" here.

joeyl2008 29

Saturday 2 April 2016 15:56

Just go to backpages.com and find a new one.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, someone left a used condom under the windshield wiper of my car. I didn't notice it until I was driving. And it was raining. It was even tied, so the contents couldn't leak out. I'm not planning artificial insemination anytime soon, but thanks for the thought. Man, I love college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 782

You deserved it 3 096

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 640

You deserved it 3 615

The Top

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 336

You deserved it 11 224

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 303

You deserved it 23 539

Today, I was screamed at by my stepmom for “taking a shit on the carpet.” We have not one but two dogs who are losing their bowel control, and I'm 24 years-old and have never taken a shit anywhere other than the toilet, so I have no idea why she’s blaming me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 100

Today, I celebrated my birthday. By that, I mean I spent most of the day alone in a field, waiting for my boyfriend to have time for me, then we broke up, and I ended up spending the evening crying alone on a beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 117

Today, after months of not wanting anything to do with her dad, my three-year-old was over her phase. During dinner, I play-shoved my husband and he did it back. Our daughter saw him and now keeps saying, "It’s not nice to push mommy." We’re back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 275

Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 294

You deserved it 49 265