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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

#21462923
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17838) - you deserved it (1294)

On 08/31/2015 at 9:16am - intimacy - by FuckThis (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my brother said he was cleaning his room. When I walked in, he was giving my cousin a blowjob. FML

#21462259
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21235) - you deserved it (1772)

On 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend when he stood up on the bed to get a different experience. I started to get aggressive and pushed him up against the wall. I forgot our bed was on wheels and the bed started sliding away and his body slid down the wall. So much for being sexy. FML

#21461787
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18417) - you deserved it (3439)

On 08/28/2015 at 5:48pm - intimacy - by still laughing (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML

#21460573
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22874) - you deserved it (2415)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

#21460410
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21209) - you deserved it (5391)

On 08/25/2015 at 3:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

#21460101
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25052) - you deserved it (2304)

On 08/24/2015 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

#21459919
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15554) - you deserved it (21192)

On 08/24/2015 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home from a stay at my girlfriend's place. My little brother stepped on my bag and accidentally switched my vibrator on. I told him the buzzing sound was my electric toothbrush. He went to the bathroom and came back with the toothbrush. He won't stop asking what's in my bag. FML

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

#21459209
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19660) - you deserved it (6984)

On 08/22/2015 at 6:18am - intimacy - by fuck no (woman) - India (Kerala)

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

#21457897
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24134) - you deserved it (2892)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:54am - intimacy - by lonelygal69 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up from the most sensual dream I've had in months. Unfortunately, despite it being better than any action I've had in a long time, the dream was about me fucking a donut. FML

#21457543
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21277) - you deserved it (3135)

On 08/18/2015 at 9:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

#21457226
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26293) - you deserved it (2438)

On 08/17/2015 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND (man) - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML

#21456687
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25743) - you deserved it (2604)

On 08/16/2015 at 11:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) -



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