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Today, the only thing that kept me hard during sex with my wife was thinking about my own naked body. FML

#21523607
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3404) - you deserved it (1027)

On 02/07/2016 at 4:17am - intimacy - by weirdoe (man) - Italy (Sicilia)

Today, I was forced to get up in front of ten swim teams, including my own, and a hundred spectators to swim 100 yards with an obvious boner sticking out of my suit. FML

#21523419
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11467) - you deserved it (1909)

On 02/06/2016 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by notagoodtime - United States (California)

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with the guy I like. He couldn't get it up and awkwardly tried to stick his limp penis in. FML

#21523192
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15158) - you deserved it (1648)

On 02/05/2016 at 8:33pm - intimacy - by myusofwe (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, we had my grandmother with dementia round for tea. She looked me up and down and said, very matter-of-factly, "Well, with a figure like that, no one will rape you." FML

#21522996
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16352) - you deserved it (1511)

On 02/05/2016 at 5:27am - intimacy - by Sgt_Jackrum (woman) - United Kingdom (Sandwell)

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

#21522994
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16089) - you deserved it (5585)

On 02/05/2016 at 4:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I agreed to anal with my boyfriend, which he was happy about, until I told him in the interest of fair play he also had to let me fuck him with a strap on. It didn't take him very long to suddenly decide anal is disgusting, with all kinds of health risks. And he thinks he's the smart one. FML

#21522856
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18134) - you deserved it (2744)

On 02/04/2016 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by sandra (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, my wife and I were having sex when she suddenly stopped and said, "I just thought of a great lesson plan idea for my 3rd graders." This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

#21522820
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17108) - you deserved it (1668)

On 02/04/2016 at 5:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I had to hide in the closet all morning because my 22-year-old boyfriend didn't want to admit to his parents that he had his girlfriend stay the night. FML

#21522776
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18553) - you deserved it (3123)

On 02/04/2016 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by doodlecrzyMeg (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I heard some gossip at school about a weird kid who supposedly jerks off at every house he visits. They were talking about my brother. FML

#21522719
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18620) - you deserved it (1286)

On 02/04/2016 at 9:53am - intimacy - by concernedsis - United States (Georgia)

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

#21522398
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23693) - you deserved it (3361)

On 02/03/2016 at 10:40am - intimacy - by :x (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up with an extremely irritable rash around my crotch. I didn't want to full out itch it by putting my hands down my pants, so I itched it by putting my hand in my pockets. I got kicked off the train for "pleasuring myself in public." FML

#21521769
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18696) - you deserved it (4679)

On 02/01/2016 at 12:00pm - intimacy - by IsThisRealLife (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I confronted my husband about a pair of panties I found in his office. They're his. He put them on to show me that they fit. FML

Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML

#21519928
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21876) - you deserved it (1715)

On 01/27/2016 at 1:04am - intimacy - by FullCircleProblem (man) - United States (Texas)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
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Friday 5 February 2016

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