Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching...

By The_failure - 18/04/2019 20:00

Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 735

You deserved it 630

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Same thing different taste

By sofakingweetodit - 18/10/2010 12:44 - United States

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 787

You deserved it 35 312

Party hard

By jagerbombs - 30/12/2009 19:08 - United States

Today, I woke up at a stranger's house after a long night of drinking. Before leaving, I decided to steal some mouthwash so I didn't smell like a liquor store. Thinking of the night before, I instinctively downed the Listerine like a shot and puked everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 026

You deserved it 46 422

By Anonymous - 21/08/2019 04:00

Today, I noticed I have more alcohol in my fridge than I do actual food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 1 627

Straight to jail

By breathalizard - 02/05/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 365

You deserved it 300 279

By anon - 20/06/2014 05:06 - United States - Kennett

Today, I woke up and put my contacts in. It appears that I got drunk enough last night that instead of soaking my contacts in contact solution, I used mouthwash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 335

You deserved it 24 731

By Anonymous - 18/05/2017 20:00

Today, the water was shut off, so I had to wash down my anti convulsants, anti depressants and sleep aids with an old, flat, non-alcoholic beer from the night before. I don't think I've ever had a more mentally dysfunctional cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 748

You deserved it 726

Take a load off

By MustyAtticMouth - 13/01/2024 05:00 - United States - Chesterfield

Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 71

By ash - 25/08/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, I had to admit that I'm an alcoholic when I spent my last dollar bills on Southern Comfort instead of tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 101

You deserved it 41 812

A slight hiccup

By maddie - 14/03/2021 21:30

Today, I got the hiccups at work no fewer than ten times in a row. I'm a cashier and not allowed to leave to go get water. Not only that, but I was called into the office to discuss my “drinking problem.” I don’t drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 994

You deserved it 46

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 238

You deserved it 28 468

bloopaloop 27

Thursday 18 April 2019 21:53

If it makes you feel better, I’m almost always pooping when I check FML. To include right now.

BeefyQueefy 14

Thursday 18 April 2019 20:18

Jesus buddy, relax with the judgements and assumptions, yeah?

Comments

mekiswrite 21

Thursday 18 April 2019 20:11

Is this your first clue?

dasin 18

Thursday 18 April 2019 20:14

when the bank account ran dry didnt clue you in or the drunk driving or abuse to another living thing if those arent issues i dont see why killing yourself in a slow enjoyable way is a bad thing

BeefyQueefy 14

Thursday 18 April 2019 20:18

Jesus buddy, relax with the judgements and assumptions, yeah?

jbuckets_404 38

Thursday 18 April 2019 21:32

Why? Is there poor Wi-Fi reception in the bathroom at work now?

bloopaloop 27

Thursday 18 April 2019 21:53

If it makes you feel better, I’m almost always pooping when I check FML. To include right now.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 19 April 2019 6:36

That sounds like a... ... wait on it... ... shitty situation.

jbuckets_404 38

Thursday 18 April 2019 23:30

OP, I now believe that you're right.

HCL Burn 1

Friday 19 April 2019 1:13

alcoholism is a real bitch man.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 19 April 2019 1:50

I glad to see you watching the calories. It’s not too bad to be a drunk, but it’s awful to be a fat drunk!

thisisbutaname 38

Friday 19 April 2019 9:32

I'd say a couple of problems mate

Sonotsuave 35

Friday 19 April 2019 15:53

Uh. Yeah I would get some help unless for some reason you’ve never used mouthwash before and are interested in the components...get help and good luck