Health: Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker...

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 00:53 - United States

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 174

You deserved it 40 593

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Same thing different taste

By zaneey - 17/01/2009 18:41 - Australia

Today, I decided to quit smoking and put on a nicotine patch. I decided to have one last cigarette and ended up sick at the doctors with nicotine poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 675

You deserved it 42 777

By Spockx - 06/08/2012 11:20 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 401

You deserved it 2 884

Not funny, son

By Embarassed - 15/03/2011 19:29 - United States

Today, while at a school anti-drugs assembly, the speaker asked everyone to stand up if they knew someone who had died of an overdose. As I stood up, my friend hit me in the side, making me laugh. I stood frozen under accusing glares while the speaker bitched me out for a good 5 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 457

You deserved it 12 775

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 00:01

Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 274

You deserved it 306

By Misky - 02/07/2012 02:51

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 601

You deserved it 28 484

By Anonymous - 17/07/2012 13:54 - Greece - Athens

Today, I gave up smoking. A few hours later, I caught myself daydreaming about brutally killing a guy that gave me a mean look at the bus. Maybe I should go back to smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 310

You deserved it 5 730

Caught in 4K

By tanksfan - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, after secretly smoking for more than two years, I decided to quit. I came home from work to see my wife holding a pack and asking me what was it doing behind the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 486

You deserved it 42 544

By Anonymous - 13/03/2016 15:00 - United States

Today, I'm going cold turkey with my drinking and smoking habits. I'm so irritable, I seriously considered running down an old lady who was taking her damn sweet time crossing the road, then shooting the guy in the car behind me for honking at me like I was holding everyone up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 627

You deserved it 3 658

Tricked

By drug testing - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Little Chute

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 397

You deserved it 15 541

By Michelle - 26/04/2010 21:42 - New Zealand

Today, I decided to quit smoking. During my lunch break, I tried to ash the KitKat bar that was in my hand after I took a bite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 724

You deserved it 17 360

lazytown 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 9:35

Cold turkey helps because it's yummy. You'll be too busy eating it to smoke.

Exodium 0

Friday 11 December 2009 0:51

Isn't the whole point of School that you ask a question when you don't know something? I'm sorry, but you sound like an idiot. What will this person learn by NOT asking questions? Regardless, they actually did say "And then I realised" so they obviously figured it out anyway.

Comments

Brave_Sir_Robin 4

Thursday 10 December 2009 15:08

Okay, so I got a cold turkey and according to a coworker who was a former chain cigarette smoker (who I will call Mr. Smoke), he told me to start slapping the cold turkey. I started slapping the turkey wildly at work and I still feel like smoking. So I quit slapping the turkey and I still feel like smoking. Am I doing this right?

girlygirl666 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 16:36

Yes.. Yes you are.

HookEmTexas07 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 21:25

"slapping the turkey?" Is that what they call it these days?

a1s 3

Thursday 10 December 2009 16:03

actually nooned know why we say it... "The etymology possibly derives from the phrase "talk turkey", in which someone deals matter-of-factly with a subject. Some, however, believe the derivation is from the comparison of a cold turkey carcass and the state of a withdrawing addict — most notably, the cold sweats and goose bumps. It is often preceded by the verb "to go," as in "going cold turkey." Yet another suggestion of origin is that cold turkey is a dish that needs little or no preparation. "To quit like cold turkey" would be to quit in the same way a cold turkey is served, instantly just as you are without preparation."

yuttivon 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 17:12

nice Wiki reference.

catastrophicsock 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 16:15

How old are you? Or better yet, what's your IQ?

wh4t3v3R 0

Thursday 10 December 2009 20:20

Eh, I've had to explain to forty year olds that no one is suggesting they need to get bitten by a dog to help hangovers. Age means nothing, exposure is the key.