Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML 27 193 79 437
Today, I thought I might need some anger-management classes, after I punched a hole in a kitchen cabinet when my dog wouldn't stop yapping every time the rooster my neighbors just got made a noise. FML 12 348 28 562
Today, I was cooking in my Airbnb and grabbed a pan, only to find it had some kind of beetle and droppings all over it. I realized soon after that the whole place was infested, but the person in charge of maintenance won’t answer my messages. FML 1 181 107
Today, after receiving yet again a dozen insulting texts, I realized that my dog has way better grammar than my ex. FML 664 165
Today, at work, my phone kept crashing. Without thinking, I announced that it was having a seizure. Who did I announce this to? My boss. Who also happens to have epilepsy. FML 9 169 29 884
Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML 13 317 40 422