Love: Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and...

By joe - 31/01/2009 23:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 726

You deserved it 26 864

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 17/07/2011 08:43 - United States

Today, I spotted my girlfriend in a store. She didn't notice me, so I went behind her, put my hands over her eyes, and said "Guess who." I got an elbow to the groin and mace to the face. While I was rolling on the ground in pain, she simply said, "Serves you right" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 389

You deserved it 22 664

Love hurts

By wray16 - 26/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 136

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 082

You deserved it 4 735

It was an accident!

By innocent - 06/01/2014 21:32 - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 069

You deserved it 7 519

By Anonymous - 12/08/2012 09:23 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 166

You deserved it 2 374

By filipinoclari808 - 16/04/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was horsing around after my big test. Someone punched me softly on my back. Figuring it was my friend, I turned around and did a roundhouse kick. It was my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 802

You deserved it 81 469

By goddamitme - 21/02/2009 19:23 - United States

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 152

You deserved it 12 937

By Anonymous - 21/10/2014 15:49 - United States - Bedford

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 830

You deserved it 7 813

By hero to zero - 04/07/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 154

You deserved it 15 197

Joe Smooth move

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was in school when I spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her, I broke her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 524

You deserved it 38 477

infantrygirl 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 5:40

Lindsey, what the hell do you mean by that?? First, 99.9999% of military men and women would NOT overreact like that, so your comment is unfair. Second, if he is in the military, and he has PTSD, you, as an ignorant civvi, have NO right to judge him. Learn some respect for those who risk their lives for your freedom.

Big_Pick 0

Thursday 5 March 2009 0:15

My natural instincts are to scream like a girl and run away. It's a miracle my species has survived.

Comments

LloydLover69 2

Thursday 16 December 2010 20:45

dumbass

Kandyland 12

Thursday 6 January 2011 20:49

I have a similar instinct when I get randomly pushed. One of my ex-boyfriends jokingly pushed me down on the bed. I popped back up and punched him in the balls. It wasn't the first time this has happened with me. I don't know why, but when I get pushed, I go for the balls. lol

mtpadgett10 1

Monday 24 January 2011 1:46

what a douche lol

Raddaya 3

Thursday 3 February 2011 7:37

Way to copy from How I Met Your Mother.

greyzero 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 2:49

Oh yeah, that must be it, cause, you know, nothing that's EVER been on television had actually happened in real life, no way, thats ridiculous. /end sarcasm.

bluegoldfish 7

Monday 28 March 2011 18:58

retard.

bluegoldfish 7

Monday 28 March 2011 19:09

yeah cause the government always does what it says its doing, what do you think wikileaks was about? and if youre hiding behind a bush shooting anyone who comes near and cant get near enough to distinguish between "good" and "bad" targets chances are a portion of the people you hit will be children anyway. but even if theyre not, killing adults isnt any better. besides, there is evidence that they didnt have nukes. but seriously, who was the idiot who brought war into this? bad idea, its ALWAYS going to piss off the half of the the population who will inevitably disagree with you...

kushmonster 0

Sunday 17 April 2011 1:23

you must have some crazy instincts! lol

gnomeman 1

Friday 29 April 2011 2:51

i've done that, that is what the marine corp does to you

drewfus2 6

Saturday 2 July 2011 9:02

Indeed. 9/11 was orchestrated by the government in an attempt to fill its pockets. That makes perfect sense.

drewfus2 6

Saturday 2 July 2011 9:08

It's not trust issues. I do much the same thing out of a combination of insane paranoia and lightning reflexes. You never. know when they could come for you. They'll never get me though. Trust issues. Please.