Animals: Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet... - FML

By yikes - 21/04/2012 08:36 - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom to pee. I looked at the toilet paper after I wiped and saw a spider on it. It was still wiggling its legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 177

You deserved it 3 785

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 19/01/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I was going to the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. I had awful diarrhea and was almost done, when I noticed a spider on the ground. Being terrified, I took a giant ball of toilet paper to kill it. I realized then that I had no toilet paper left to use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 721

You deserved it 35 150

Freaked

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 199

You deserved it 4 036

By SpideyFace - 19/03/2011 01:36 - Canada

Today, with water in my eyes, I stepped out of the shower and rubbed my face with a towel. When I looked in the mirror, I realized there had been a giant spider on the towel. Its guts and legs were smeared all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 937

You deserved it 5 874

By yuckspider - 20/04/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 348

You deserved it 7 657

Sticky situation

By Anonymous - 24/07/2022 06:00

Today, at work, I thought I had to fart, but didn’t trust it. I squeezed cheek and hurried to the bathroom. As I was sitting down, liquid shot out of my butthole and got on the seat. I then sat in it. On top of, that I saw a spider crawl out of my underwear. The spider bothers me more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 207

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 716

You deserved it 2 521

By spiderwoman - 04/11/2012 17:12 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 739

You deserved it 13 583

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 334

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 464

You deserved it 892

SCREAM!

By Anonymous - 10/07/2025 20:00 - United States - Newport

Today, I was in the bathroom at a party when I noticed a spider the size of a golf ball on the toilet paper roll. I screamed, tripped over my own feet trying to flee, and fell right into the bathtub. Everyone at the party heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 219

You deserved it 298

Next

Top comments

domking1315 20

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:05

The itsy bitsy spider went up the va-gi-na Out came the pee and washed the spider out!

CynePhoba 23

Saturday 21 April 2012 16:03

Poor spider...

Comments

bubo_fml 10

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:20

Barking spider?

Taurus_ChicKa 36

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:25

Why would you look at the toilet paper after you wiped? That's gross. Plus, if the spider was on the toilet paper before you used it, how did you not see it? If it was inside you, that's downright disgusting on many levels.

bubblesbrynn 4

Saturday 2 November 2013 0:49

women sometimes do for the symptom-less menstruation patterns... its pretty common. not that gross either.

mikeymayhem_87 15

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:28

Looks like Spiderman knocked you up and you just had one of thousands of spider babies that will soon come forth! Call the exterminator!!

MyPupRox 2

Saturday 21 April 2012 19:05

Maybe the spider was there AFTER OP wiped, if you know what I mean...

laurensauren 9

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:28

At least its not inside you.

WhyAmUHere 19

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:29

What did you eat?

dancingstar991 0

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:33

Who looks at the toilet paper after they wipe.....?

bubblesbrynn 4

Saturday 2 November 2013 3:02

women sometimes do for the symptom-less menstruation patterns... its pretty common. not that gross either.

bubblesbrynn 4

Saturday 2 November 2013 3:03

and there is no way you are 24.

midpocket 6

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:42

Sooo ... It's been a while huh :p

CharliesCool2084 8

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:46

So you rubbed a spider on your pee hole? Ew.

Maht_fml 0

Saturday 21 April 2012 18:55

Too much acid for the spider to take.

Blueglasscup 18

Saturday 21 April 2012 19:15

As someone who is terrified of spiders, I feel for you. F your life OP!

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Today, for the second time this week, I was asked to stop putting on such an obviously fake "British" accent. I am British and have lived here all my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 237

You deserved it 3 073

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 319

You deserved it 7 907

Today, my husband compared leaving me for another woman to finding another job with a better pay, saying, "Sometimes, better is out there, and I deserve better." He seriously thinks it’s a good enough reason. We’ve been married for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 178

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 295

You deserved it 2 900

Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 558

You deserved it 3 087

Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 682

You deserved it 4 714