Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted... - FML

By a816090 - 27/05/2019 18:09

Today, I got written up because I took a dump at work that lasted longer than 5 minutes, and I didn't punch out for it as a "paid break." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 075

You deserved it 143

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Productivity

By Anonymous - 24/07/2014 09:05 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, I got fired from my job. Why? Apparently, taking 10 minutes to take a shit is too long for some people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 705

You deserved it 8 901

Knackered

By exhausted - 20/02/2023 22:00

Today, I got written up for “making a big show” of being exhausted at work. I was trying to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 144

By hell - 14/11/2015 21:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 888

You deserved it 1 784

By sickofthisshit - 02/07/2016 16:43 - United States - Oceanside

Today, I nearly got written up for "publicly humiliating" a coworker. All because I left a note in the restroom asking whoever keeps peeing all over the floor to please be considerate of other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 223

You deserved it 1 025

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 18:18 - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 979

You deserved it 4 832

By DonPedro - 16/01/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 852

You deserved it 11 376

By kaybear13 - 05/08/2015 08:39 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I got written up because apparently leaning on the counter at work is unprofessional, even if you're about to pass out and the counter is the only thing keeping you on your feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 560

You deserved it 2 388

By KnightToucan - 21/06/2019 02:09

Today, I got written up at work over false accusations that I didn't do some safety tasks. The same tasks that were done before I had even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 593

You deserved it 139

By hatemyjob - 27/10/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I arrived at work and was immediately given a disciplinary write-up for being two hours late for my shift. Apparently the manager had changed my schedule that morning and failed to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 333

You deserved it 2 063

Rage against the machine

By argument invalid? - 27/02/2019 16:00

Today, I got written up and may be placed under suspension due to my recent 5 consecutive day unscheduled absence. When I told them I was on a Bereavement Leave, they still will not accept my excuse because its still considered as "unscheduled". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 294

You deserved it 193

Next

Top comments

bloopaloop 27

Monday 27 May 2019 21:07

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, That’s why I poop on company time 🎶

RichardPencil 30

Monday 27 May 2019 18:37

You get paid to shit!?!?!? Also, whose job is it to time everyone’s defecations? Would that person describe their job literally as... ...wait on it... ...shitty?

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Monday 27 May 2019 18:37

You get paid to shit!?!?!? Also, whose job is it to time everyone’s defecations? Would that person describe their job literally as... ...wait on it... ...shitty?

bloopaloop 27

Monday 27 May 2019 21:07

Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, That’s why I poop on company time 🎶

honestjane 22

Tuesday 28 May 2019 1:46

Boss gets a dollar, I get a dime. That's why I poop on company time.

simcityguy09 19

Thursday 30 May 2019 22:49

Your boss is legally not allowed to do that

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The Top

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend for cheating on me. I refused his calls, so he texted, not to apologize, but to say I'd "left some clothes in his suitcase"; i.e., he stole some of my clothes. When he didn't get the response from me that he was hoping for, he texted, "I'm wearing your shorts." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 120

Today, a friend of mine got a bit drunk, but said she was fine and didn't feel drunk at all. I took her keys anyway and said she could sleep on my bed, while I slept on the floor next to the bed. I was rudely woken up in the middle of the night to her rolling over and vomiting on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 677

You deserved it 7 123

The Top

Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I'm checking my newsfeed, I noticed a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to properly shut the door to the bathroom, because it's me on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 740

You deserved it 38 687

Today, I was starting a new job and I didn't want to be late, so I took a train that left earlier than normal, just to make sure I'd be on time. Turns out, the earlier train wasn't an express train, and made it to my stop 12 minutes after my usual one did. I was late for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 455

You deserved it 4 498

Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 219

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 229

You deserved it 96 426

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because, "It's chicken, not salmon." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 138

You deserved it 3 864

Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 566

You deserved it 4 043