Miscellaneous: Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I... - FML

By N - 08/02/2009 08:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my best friend told me she wanted to rape my throat. I did not know that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 404

You deserved it 5 249

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

Alexa, play "Asleep" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 01/10/2019 12:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my best friend laying next to me vigorously touching herself. She thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 230

By Anonymous - 22/04/2015 14:14 - United States - Athens

Spicy

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 147

You deserved it 3 681

Betrayal!

By Anonymous - 23/05/2010 05:32 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 029

You deserved it 10 531

By why - 28/07/2014 01:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 756

You deserved it 5 535

Sing me to sleep…

By anonymous - 25/09/2020 20:01

Spicy

Today, my best friend informed me that he had lost his virginity to my sister, which I already knew. However, he told me the location. My room. While I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 157

There's always that one friend…

By seriously? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 325

You deserved it 10 693

By Anonymous - 01/06/2013 07:51 - United States - Portland

Spicy

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 157

You deserved it 6 184

Creeped out

By Really jealous - 26/01/2021 09:31 - India

Spicy

Today, my best friend confided in me that she's going to have sex with her cousin. Shocked, I tried to convince her not to and how it's a horrible idea. She called me a jealous bastard who can't get laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 480

You deserved it 244

Awkward conversation

By anon - 28/12/2019 05:00 - United States - La Puente

Today, I had to have a very difficult and awkward conversation with my best friend about her fiancé hitting on me. She seemed completely unfazed and ended up admitting that a three-way with me was actually her idea, but she didn't want to "weird me out" by asking me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 652

You deserved it 387

By Noname - 10/03/2009 09:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 076

You deserved it 61 368

Next

Top comments

katieatieay 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 16:09

you were sorely mistaken.

Roi_fml 0

Sunday 8 February 2009 15:52

... lulwut?

Comments

toch040 0

Wednesday 14 July 2010 2:43

or forced oral. whatever works

cinnamania 3

Thursday 22 July 2010 6:22

I love you

PugnaciousSaint 0

Sunday 1 August 2010 5:13

who cares? I took a crap today what's that got to fo with fml? stupid

chloelovestoswim 6

Tuesday 10 August 2010 5:27

op is a girl.... that's y she's freaked out

skyttlz 32

Friday 20 August 2010 9:51

YLIA

iPunchedBigFoot 5

Wednesday 25 August 2010 2:45

If you like her.. Then this would be a good thing.

Lingonberry668 0

Tuesday 31 August 2010 11:35

I no...it's funny how that prsn put so much passion into it and then ur just like k....but ops a girl .... I suppose no one else is laffing, well I don't care becuz it's funny to me! hmph!

IWABO2_ 0

Thursday 14 October 2010 23:03

Dumb ass this isn't an fml

Chazy2010 8

Wednesday 27 October 2010 6:05

thats hot

KCDx3 0

Sunday 14 November 2010 14:40

mines just told me shutup before i get u pregnant

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 333

You deserved it 3 326

Today, I saw myself on the news. I was one of the random passers by they had filmed for their story on the "Fat Epidemic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 702

You deserved it 25 406

Today, I took my cat for a very short car ride in her new carrier. I’ve left it out for weeks to let her get used to it, and before this she was relaxed enough to nap in it. Now, she won’t go near it no matter how many treats I use. I move cross country in June. Back to the drawing board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 192

Today, it's exactly two weeks after the second interview I had for my dream job that I felt went really well. They sent an e-mail back to me telling me that the team was really impressed with me, and that I was one of the best candidates they'd ever had. So of course they selected another candidate for the role instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 109

Today, while running, I sped up to show off for a cute female runner I'd seen before up ahead. I passed her and not more than a minute later she sprints past me. I couldn't catch up. She not only out ran me, but waited to tell me it was a "nice try." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 847

You deserved it 34 981

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 937

You deserved it 3 574