Intimacy: Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than...

By JohnB - 20/10/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 851

You deserved it 4 218

Epic Easter: Chases and Chutes
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Same thing different taste

By jenA - 21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 853

You deserved it 2 987

Wake up, human!

By inveralaska - 16/06/2016 21:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a kitten. She decided to sleep on my bed, waking me up periodically during the night by biting my face to make sure I was still alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 036

You deserved it 2 355

By meowmeow - 21/09/2010 04:38 - Australia

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 776

You deserved it 31 273

Alone time

By Anonymous - 19/04/2021 14:00

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 324

By Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - 26/04/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 789

You deserved it 58 148

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 08:33 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 681

You deserved it 9 148

By Cat Piss - 15/12/2013 16:58 - United States - Lavon

Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 674

You deserved it 6 875

No kinkshaming on FML

By Anonymous - 31/07/2013 16:28 - Belgium - Ieper

Today, I had my first wet dream. I woke up sweating and soaking wet. Too bad I dreamed about having intense sex with a cardboard box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 690

You deserved it 9 329

By Allie cat - 02/12/2016 13:43

Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 477

You deserved it 1 577

By Anonymous - 05/06/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 231

You deserved it 8 293

allmidnighteyes 10

Tuesday 20 October 2009 9:41

That's the only, and the youngest pussy you're ever gonna get.

TaterSalad187 5

Tuesday 20 October 2009 14:19

Haha, sorta ironic. Who ever would of thought that pussy would kill a wet dream?

Comments

allmidnighteyes 10

Tuesday 20 October 2009 9:41

That's the only, and the youngest pussy you're ever gonna get.

giiiiinge 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 11:34

hahaha lol to the post and lol to ^^ that person (#1) not lol to the person under me though (#2) cause he annoys me.

Ellowise_fml 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 20:02

At least you got pussy....?

FlivingFdying 0

Thursday 22 October 2009 20:36

hahahahahahahahahaha classic

omghehehe 0

Sunday 25 October 2009 13:26

hahahaha...awww sweet :) she wants some action too! :D

bugmenotmofo 34

Tuesday 20 October 2009 9:48

second bitches! and that's the only pussy you'll eva get

MrNiceGuy518 3

Tuesday 1 March 2011 10:14

Fail

Ninjaface 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 9:50

Stop lying. We know that when you say "kill," you really mean "spice up."

NathanKett 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 11:32

ydi for still having wet dreams

Epic_Phale615 0

Tuesday 5 October 2010 21:35

Are you a 10 year old guy with no love life, or a girl?

thatkid00117 16

Sunday 7 July 2013 3:59

You know he means sex dream right?

greendog32 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 12:56

did it bite your dick off?

andy3_fml 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 13:04

haha cute

Grangoire 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 13:29

You mean your wet-dreams don't include a penis/vag with CLAWS?!? X-D FYL

teentee401 36

Monday 25 August 2014 2:19

Reminds me of the movie Teeth

bosshaug 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 13:36

My cat does that shit too

TaterSalad187 5

Tuesday 20 October 2009 14:19

Haha, sorta ironic. Who ever would of thought that pussy would kill a wet dream?

Nighta9 0

Friday 13 November 2009 2:22

#31 FTW

quin01 0

Sunday 20 March 2011 6:55

win

ImTheAlpha 30

Saturday 31 March 2012 1:21

Unless the dude was gay. That would kinda kill the mood.

nicktowery 0

Tuesday 20 October 2009 16:30

Aww u got some pussy

Keywords

Insurance Awkward Plumbing Money Suspicious Relatable Cheating AITA Relationship advice Love Weird First Dates Marriage Poopoo peepee Gross Health Mental health Cars Death Parenting Family Kids Miscellaneous Transportation Capitalism My ex Instagram Social Media Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 5 181

Today, I looked back on my romantic history: a marriage that ended when my wife cheated on men, four girlfriends who took advantage of me, and my first girlfriend showed up for my first date after putting on stage makeup that made it look like I beat her up just before our date. "Better to have loved and lost," my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 438

You deserved it 97

The Top

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me for a girl he's known for less than 72 hours. Why? He wanted someone pure. I lost my virginity to him five years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 288

You deserved it 4 219

Today, I work for a boss who does everything he can to singlehandedly ruin our company and drive us into the ground. I just got an e-mail from him saying I need to be a more positive and energetic role-model for our team. Pot… meet Kettle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 317

You deserved it 2 460

Today, my mother came over again to help me work on my Student Aid application. She also brought over the savings bonds that she has been accumulating since I was born to help pay for college. Turns out they won't reach maturity until I'm thirty. She never bothered to check out this fact. I'm screwed for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 545

You deserved it 3 428

Today, a neighbor's kid decided to pick a fight with me because I'm "the new kid in town and need to learn who's in charge". When I told him I'm 27, he said excuses like that aren't going to get me off the hook. I just moved here and I'm already being harassed by a twelve year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 353

You deserved it 4 622

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 253

You deserved it 7 744

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 813

You deserved it 4 160

Same thing different taste

Wake up, human!

Alone time

No kinkshaming on FML

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